Managing Your Self

Lesson 8: Obstacles and limitations

1. What Limits Us?
Exercise One
2. Limiting Beliefs
3. Releasing Your Self From Limitations
4. Common Obstacles to Success
5. Being a Victim
6. Fear of Making Mistakes
7. Doubts and Resistance
8. Disappointment and Dissatisfaction
9. Lack of Energy
10. Stress
11. External Obstacles

1. What Limits Us?

We all have limits. The truth is, most of them are self-imposed or accepted by us. We may or may not feel as though we can choose everything that happens to us in our lives, but we can choose what we do in response. The limitations we accept need not be so.

It only takes one thing, one negative judgment about yourself, one habit of giving in to stress in a way that is limiting or destructive, to keep a greater success out of reach. Instead of finding success and fulfillment in a higher purpose, or something that truly matters to us, we comfort ourselves with junk food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, and other "holding patterns." And, once we do, we seldom question that choice; we imagine that it is "working for us" although it may be quite limiting, self-destructive or addictive.

The world-at-large places labels and limitations on us from birth, and they become rigid or restrictive. We become inflexible and limited in our views — including how we view our selves, and our worth. What is important to know is: you can change. There is always someone, somewhere, who has had the same problems, and dealt with them, successfully. Whatever choices you have made to take the world's problems upon you, to erroneously accept limitations upon yourself, you can choose to go beyond them. You have that ability. You have the power to choose. You can have a truer sense of self, purpose, meaning, and worth. That is your right.

The limitations that others put on us, which we accept, become self-limiting patterns of behavior. We limit ourselves out of habit, fear, anxiety, stress, doubt, guilt, shame, lack of self-knowledge, lack of self-confidence, lack of self-esteem, and the same old, tedious, day-to-day routine of our lives.

We often "cope" by giving in to pressure, stress, and the boredom of not living with a real sense of purpose. Those coping behaviors or reactions become habitual, unthinking, unquestioned. And, the next thing you know, they define the limits of our lives.

Exercise One: Take a moment to think of what limits you in your life. Make a list of every limitation you have, everything that keeps you from being, doing, or having what you want.

When you are done, realize that there are less limitations keeping you from being, doing, and having what you want, than you might imagine. There are people who are blind who go through law school and become lawyers. There are people with one leg, who run marathons. And people with little formal education who become billionaires. Above, all realize that the things you want most are internal — they are what you want to feel inside you, as a result of what you do outside you. And very little, if anything, outside you has the power to keep you from feeling that within you. Whatever you want to truly be, do, or have, know that that is within you, now.

Too often we accept our limitations, and define our "freedom" by our ability to choose within very narrow confines. You are as free as your vision, your openness, your unboundedness — or lack of it.

You can be greatly limited by anything that:

narrows your vision of possibilities
causes you to feel less worth, less purpose, or less of an ability to make a difference in your life
caters to illusions, addictions, denial, or habitual behavior
limits the choices you can make, or your willingness to choose something different or better
causes you to settle for something less than your highest good, or which causes you to sell out or compromise your self.

Any thoughts, feelings, or desires which run you, take away your freedom.

In America, many people have given their lives for the cause of freedom, liberty, and the right to pursue what makes you happy. The Declaration of Independence says that you have an inalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. What are you doing with that right? People who emigrate to America are amazed by the freedom, and they try to make the best choices; they choose success. Those of us who have been here a while take for granted this freedom to be, do, and have anything we truly want. Worse, we give up this undeniable right.

Of all the places you can go in this world, the one place you need to be able to "be free" is within you, in your inner being. The more strongly you stand in who you are, the more able you are to rise above all of life's limitations. And, isn't that what we are all looking for?

2. Limiting Beliefs

By "limiting beliefs" we mean self-limiting beliefs. We are all habituated to self-limiting beliefs — it doesn't matter where they came from, only that we have accepted them and taken them upon ourselves. Realize, that is a choice you made, and it is possible to make a better choice, now.

The way that other people are towards us, the things they say or do, affects us. Sometimes, just one thing a person has said to us can shape our entire life. Perhaps it was a parent or teacher or a bully at school, or a certain clique or authority figure. We internalize those messages, and continue to repeat them to ourselves, over and over in our minds.

Like resentment, the process of repeating over and over the self-negating words or actions of others, does not really work as a way of coping — or getting past the hurt. It merely sustains it. The person or the situation may no longer be there, but we keep giving ourselves the same message, over and over, as if they were. Maybe it wasn't ever a verbal message, maybe it was just an attitude towards us, but nevertheless we take a message from it.

We all engage in "self-talk," though we seldom question the nature or quality of the thoughts we keep telling ourselves. One thing we rarely consider is how negative the things are that we say to ourselves in our minds, which other people don't know about or hear. We may say the most negative — self-negating — things, which we would be upset with someone else for saying to us, and yet say them to ourselves our entire lives.

For example:

"You're not good enough."
"You'll never amount to anything."
"You're stupid."
"You're hopeless."
"You're worthless."
"You'll make a fool out of yourself."
"No one loves you."
"You're powerless, weak, unimportant."
"Nothing works for you."
"You don't deserve anything better."

These are things we say to ourselves, in our own minds — these are things we come to believe.

If you carefully observe your self-talk over the course of a day, and notice what you are telling yourself — especially when you feel upset, anxious, or in doubt — you may recognize many of these thoughts. They all negate you. They all disempower you. They all make you less.

Perhaps you can see how the constant repetition and reinforcement of these self-negating thoughts goes hand in hand with limiting or self-destructive patterns of behavior. It is the smallest of steps from the thought that "no one loves you" to seeking comfort in food or some other "holding pattern." It is the smallest of steps from the thought that "you'll never amount to anything" to dropping out of school and closing many doors of opportunity to yourself.

Maybe you never learned how to deal with this negative self-talk. It isn't something we generally learn in school. But, it is a very powerful technique.

The idea is to be more aware of your negative self-talk. First, notice if and when it occurs, especially when you are upset. Notice any blame, judgment, any put-downs, any thoughts you have which devalue you, any time you think less of yourself.

When you are aware of this, you can begin to reverse those thoughts. Instead of the negative belief about yourself, tell yourself the positive opposite. For example, instead of "you'll never amount to anything," affirm "I am a success, and I welcome more and more success." Instead of "you don't deserve anything better," affirm "I deserve to have all the good I truly desire, in a way that is best for me."

If you have a persistent negative thought about yourself, write down it's positive opposite, and look at yourself in a mirror as you repeat the positive thought. Be aware of any negative thoughts that come up as you do this. Make a note of them and reverse them as well. Make it a practice to go to sleep with positive thoughts and beliefs about your self. Clear any negativity or upset or resentment from the day, rather than carrying it with you into another day. It will transform the quality of your life.

3. Releasing Your Self From Limitations

One of the more powerful ways of releasing your self from limitations, especially limiting beliefs you have about yourself, is by finding, honoring, and expressing a greater truth.

These are the things that are hard to believe about ourselves, because they are so good.

We think less of ourselves. And, so, as part of the process of freeing ourselves from that lesser image of ourselves and moving forward creatively, we can embrace these thoughts about ourselves.

Yes, we know it may be hard to believe these things, or they may seem so far from you, so unreal, or so untrue. But it will be good to allow yourself a chance to get comfortable with these ideas, to expand your "comfort zone" to include them. See which ones inspire you, or speak to who you are or what you need, within you.

I am now releasing my self from the past.
I release all negativity, and welcome my highest good.
I forgive and release everyone in my life.
I love myself as I am, for who I am, not as I may appear to be, not as others expect me to be.
I am good enough as I am.
I am aligned with my own highest purpose in living.
I have all I need, to do everything I need to.
I meet every situation with confidence and centeredness, grounded in my inner being.
I know and respect my self.
I am choosing my worth.
I welcome change, growth, and the greater unfolding of my true abilities.
I learn what I need to, and move on, freely.
I go forward without regret, resentment, judgment, or blame.
I move beyond any hindrance to my satisfying, creative, and fulfilling self-expression.
I am choosing freedom.
I am free now.

Whenever you are aware of any contrary thoughts, put-down thoughts, or limiting beliefs about yourself, pick one of these better thoughts, and affirm it. See the truth in it, or learn to see the truth in it. Notice any contrary thoughts, and release them.

This is a choice you make, to be more true to who you really are.

Fulfilling self-expression comes from thinking well of yourself, and pursuing what matters to you.

It is the unconscious thoughts and emotions and beliefs we carry with us, about our selves, which largely determine the quality of our lives. By being more aware of them, we can notice how they may not really be serving us, or in our best interests, and get past them. We can let go of the old and bring in the new, creatively, happily.

4. Common Obstacles to Success

The most common obstacles to success are not external, but internal. They are habitual patterns of thinking and behaving, ways in which our energies go towards the wrong things.

Success means choosing how you want your life to be. The most important thing is to be true to your self, what you know in your heart to be right, so as to fulfill your highest purposes in living. Choosing lesser things puts obstacles in the way of your experiencing success and fulfillment in life.

If you experience obstacles to greater success, you may be caught up in (or successful at) lesser things — which keep you from fulfilling your higher purposes. You may feel conflict between what would be true to your own self, and what you are doing which satisfies your lesser desires, or perhaps your ego.

The obstacles to greater success, in your own behavior, are the things which allow you to remain stuck where you are, which take the life energy from you, which cause you to feel unempowered in your self — which strongly condition or program your behavior, in a limiting way. You can get past these obstacles.

Very simply, if you wish to experience true success in living your highest purposes, you have to reclaim the misdirected energies that you are spending to remain successful at lesser things in your life, or which you are wasting.

We'll consider some of the most common internal obstacles to success, before we go on to external conditions. These include the habitual patterns of:

being a victim
disappointment, dissatisfaction
boredom and busy work
procrastination
lack of self-esteem or self-worth
lack of energy, fatigue
stress
doubts, resistance
fear of making mistakes
fear of success
sacrifice, the high cost of success
addiction to work or money
self-deception, ego.

Your ability to deal with the outer world directly affects your inner experience: it becomes your stress level. The less able you are to manage, the more stress you have or experience. The more you are overwhelmed by the outer world, the less inner strength or confidence you have. It is a negative cycle.

To experience greater success and less stress, you need to break this cycle.

5. Being a Victim

Do you feel that you have been a victim in some way, in life?

Being a victim means others determine your own life experience. A limiting pattern of being a victim, unempowered, or helpless often results in self-pity. We are going to discuss how to not be a victim anymore, to reclaim your true power and positive vision in life, to overcome what would otherwise negate or defeat you.

First of all, realize that just about everyone is a victim in life, in large and small ways, all over this world. Abuse, exploitation, injustice, oppression, negativity, deception, and untruth are the rule, worldwide. The more innocent, unaware, unsuspecting, or "good" you are, the more likely you are to be victimized or disadvantaged in this world. We are seldom taught how to recognize or properly deal with wrong, untruth, and all mechanisms of exploitation, whether physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, financial, or spiritual. There are people in this world who see it as their mission to exploit others in every way they can — they consider this "success." Con-men (and women) are experts at winning the trust of unsuspecting people, and taking everything they can from them. Of course, it is easier to do this to a person who is innately good-natured, trusting, or unaware.

That being said, you need not allow your negative reaction to what happens to you in this life keep you a victim of it. In other words, do not allow what has wronged you to make you wrong; do not re-act wrongly to what is wrong, and become wrong, yourself. Being a victim often means re-acting — re-living — what has happened to you in the past. Holding on to your negative reaction keeps you a victim. Rather, you can return to the greater wholeness of your self in the present, and no longer be a victim of the past. It may not be possible (or necessary) to reclaim what was taken from you in any way other than to reclaim your own true inner being, your own sense of worth, dignity, hope, and inner goodness. That is enough.

It is necessary to get past the feelings of weakness or powerlessness, anger, fear, guilt, and self-doubt that are conditioned by the experience of being victimized. Those feelings do not protect you from further victimization; they merely perpetuate the hurtfulness. Greater awareness is the only true protection, so that you see things as they are and deal with them in the most effective way. Do not resent feelings of helplessness, or powerlessness; that only conditions you to being helpless or a victim, in a pattern of denial.

If you refuse to acknowledge when you are weak, if you use anger or resentment or any other feeling to hide a feeling of weakness, that weakness remains; and you may continue to act out of weakness, and have the same kind of experiences. Instead, come closer to the truth: be aware of your possible weaknesses, fallibility, lack of awareness, lack of discernment, helplessness, naiveté, ignorance, foolishness, or simple innocence. Innocence is a wonderful quality, but not really any protection; abusive, exploitative, or predatory types see it as an invitation to take advantage of you. We have all been taken advantage of, used, or made fools of by the more cunning, unscrupulous, conscienceless, exploitative, and evil people in our lives. They are just as likely to be friends, family, associates, trusted authority figures, professionals, workers, or strangers to us. There may also be occasions when others may not have really wronged us, or we have been at least partly responsible for what has happened to us, but we see ourselves as a victim anyway.

In order to deal with victimization and exploitation in our society, some people come to believe that being a victim is righteous, a kind of moral victory, or proof of innocence and purity. The problem is, if you believe this, you are creating your life experience out of these beliefs; you expect people to create problems in your life — and they may come along, and match your expectations. Or you may act like a martyr. Alternatively, there are people who believe there is no such thing as being a victim, that we create everything that happens to us. We prefer the middle ground: things happen, and it is up to us what we make of it, how we move on from there. That is something we do have power over.

To whatever extent you can, make positive choices in the direction of more peace, love, growth and healing in your life. And allow yourself to get past victimization. Your true power is in your self, in the present moment — not in past thoughts, feelings, or desires — but in your whole, true, self, here and now. Don't take things too personally. That doesn't mean denying what happens to you. It just means, if you weren't made the victim, someone else probably would have been (or has been). Victimizers exploit their position, authority, advantage, or power over anyone they can — it literally could have been anyone. So, don't judge yourself too harshly, or keep thinking "Why me?" Don't keep beating yourself up over it.

Be gentle with yourself. Never love yourself less because of past experiences; that is only judging yourself. Allow yourself to be a whole and loving being. Take every opportunity you have to return to the greater wholeness of your self, and live your highest purposes in life.

6. Fear of Making Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes; mistakes are part of learning. There isn't anything great about mistakes, but you can learn from mistakes, and become more able to see, choose, and do what is right, good, and true to you. What matters is your intentions, and your perseverance, to keep going till you get it right. There is always a risk in pursuing what you truly want, since there are few certainties.

Mistakes are inevitable. Take the time to understand things as best you can; explore your options; see what you feel is the best course of action, and do the best you can. If you have more awareness, experience, understanding, and clarity later, and realize that you have made a mistake, then just make the necessary correction. Nothing keeps you trapped in a mistake other than your own unwillingness to learn, to change, to do what you know is right, within you.

A person may fear making mistakes due to either too little self-esteem or too much pride; in either case, mistakes may be taken too personally. Of course, awareness of having made a mistake is essential to not doing the same thing again, perhaps repeatedly. But fear, guilt, worry, and so on do not add anything to the simple awareness of what is right and what is not. The idea is to simply be more aware, gather more information, and keep going.

The worst result of a fear of making mistakes is that you do less and less of those actions at which you are afraid to fail — the things which really mean the most to you. Think about that.

Don't believe the line: "I'm only human, born to make mistakes." It doesn't matter how much you are blocked, hindered, or sidetracked, how much you have blundered, tripped, and fallen. What matters is that you get up, dust yourself off, and keep going. Keep going. Do not give in to self-negation. Do not give in to the programming to fail or feel unworthy.

A fear of making mistakes also comes from the undue reliance on programming, conditioning, and the approval others. This separates you from your true self, and causes you to doubt your self. Fear is what fills this gap of separation from your true self. Find the courage to act, and refer your choices and actions to your own inner being — not the expectations, desires, will, pressures, or demands of others.

What if you had been given permission to make mistakes?

What if you believed that you couldn't fail in life?

What would you choose to do differently?

There will always be uncertainties and challenges. These are a part of everyone's life. Challenge is all right, as long as you don't judge yourself as a failure, lose your self-worth, or build an ego. Just do what is true in your heart, and do not habitually doubt, negate, or think less of your self.

Realize that you are enough, and you have whatever you need to live your highest purposes in life. And, give yourself permission to make what you perceive to be mistakes in life. This is how you learn and grow.

Simply meet life's challenges with the best choices you can make at the time, and go forward. Learn from your actions and your choices; don't just feel guilty or afraid. Trust your self enough to act on the choices you make, and, also learn to make better choices. Sometimes this is easy and sometimes it isn't. The times you learn the most are when it isn't so easy.

You needn't choose a difficult life of instability or crisis or challenge, but don't run away from the opportunity — the need — to learn and grow, either. You do not necessarily know the answers in life until you go through the process of looking at the questions. This is growth, which is essential to life. The most common regret people have at the end of their lives is that they didn't risk more, or try new things, that they were held back by fear. What if you risked having more success, more joy, more love, more understanding, more commitment, or more freedom?

Some people have no fear of making mistakes either because they have learned to keep going forward, regardless, or because they refuse to admit that they have made a mistake. People do this with their careers, marriages, etc. Or, you could reach a point in life in which you no longer fear making mistakes, because you are no longer taking any risks or making any moves to pursue what you really want in life. This self-limiting behavior does not support the experience of greater success, or the fulfillment of your true purposes in living.

Of course, if you have a tendency to resist or resent learning from your experience, if you would rather hear what you want to believe rather than what is so, if you have an ego-emotional investment in not knowing the truth, you will not be avoiding mistakes but perpetuating them.

7. Doubts and Resistance

Sometimes doubts are useful, in the sense that they allow you to question a certain aspect of your thoughts, feelings, or desires, and then perhaps choose something that is more true for you. In fact, you must not doubt when you are wrong, or you will not truly know when you are right. The more aware you are of what is right, the more surely you will doubt (or disbelieve) what is wrong.

But a habit of catering to doubts can be paralyzing, especially when you are conditioned to doubting your self. This will keep you stuck where you are, unable to see ahead, or unwilling to proceed. It is better to think of doubts as possible branches in your path, a chance to see which way to proceed — they must not become dead ends. Do not routinely, habitually, give in to self-limiting doubts. When doubts become a self-limiting pattern, they become a resistance to true success.

The greatest obstacle to experiencing yourself as a success is doubting your self, believing that you will not succeed. There are many external obstacles to success; doubts and resistance are an internalization of external difficulties. You begin to doubt yourself. You doubt whether you can do or accomplish what you feel is right, good, or true for you.

Other people have their own thoughts, feelings, desires, beliefs, programming, conditioning, and indoctrination. You should never feel obligated or responsible for taking their condition upon yourself. Believe in your own self. Believe in what you know to be right, good, and true. Believe in what supports your creative purpose and vision. Believe in goodness, truth, love, peace, and light. Believe in the dream in your heart.

"To thine own self be true," always. And, always think for your self. That is your responsibility. The world may do everything it can to cause you to doubt what is right, good, and true, what you know in your heart to be so. It is your job to reject or overcome this kind of self-negation.

Do not judge your self where you are. Believe in your self. It doesn't matter if anyone (or no one) else does. Everything changes, including "truths" you may have once held. Whatever is right for you, is right in its own time and place. What is right at one time may not be at another time. Realize this, and don't doubt your self if what you think or know changes.

Doubts usually take the form: "I don't know." Resistance takes the form: "I don't want to." Together, they give you the message — and feeling — "I can't." Be aware when you have such thoughts, that there is some underlying doubt or resistance that is trying to block your way, and deal with it. See what you need to do to go forward.

If you feel or experience resistance, ask your self what you are resisting. What are you resisting seeing, knowing, thinking, feeling, or believing? What information, knowledge, or different perspective is trying to make its presence known to you?

Some resistances come up in the form of negative, contrary, or doubting thoughts, feelings, or beliefs about your self. Be willing to let go of them. It takes energy to sustain internal resistance and doubt; if you do not feed them with more energy, but are willing to get past them, they will diminish in strength. If they get stronger, consider that they are merely coming to a head, becoming more visible for you to see. Be willing to hear the message, see a different perspective, or refocus your efforts.

Things are not always the way you might think they should be or want them to be. They are just the way they are. This means you may often need to let go of old, inappropriate thoughts, perceptions, ideas, feelings, beliefs, or desires. And see the truth of things more clearly.

8. Disappointment and Dissatisfaction

Disappointment and dissatisfaction indicate the extent to which your expectations are not matching "reality." There could be significant periods of time in which your inner experience may not match your outer accomplishments or results. Of course, a certain amount of dissatisfaction or disillusionment is common in life. When you are aware of how things could be better, you can move in that direction.

But, more often dissatisfaction and disappointment are merely a product of conditioning, programming, and limiting ego-emotional patterns; you become unhappy when your expectations or illusions do not match up with reality. You may buy into others' — or society's — expectations of you, which then become your own expectations of yourself, and lose touch with true inner purpose, peace, or power. Realize, you have a choice as to whether to meet others' expectations, or not. The first step is to be aware of how automatic it may be, when others are disappointed in you, and you are then disappointed in yourself. Don't internalize the disappointments of others.

When you are disappointed or dissatisfied you may get focused on — or lose your power and energy in — the past, rather than moving forward in the present moment. When you feel disappointed or dissatisfied, it gives you an excuse for feeling sadness, guilt, self-rejection, or blame. You may judge or resent your self, and feel even more disappointment or dissatisfaction, in a negative cycle.

Are you feeling disappointed or dissatisfied in some way?

Perhaps your life choices have not met your expectations or demands, or you may not have the results you wished for. You may even resent it or feel guilty about it. Disappointment or dissatisfaction is a choice to be unhappy with what is or what isn't, or what was or wasn't, or what will or won't be.

If you are not thrilled with the results you have produced for yourself in life, then see how you might be able to do something different, now. What keeps you stuck in your old results is disappointment and self-rejection. When you resent or judge, you are refusing to accept the truth, or the power to change.

Perhaps you think that it is somehow justified, necessary or responsible for you to be disappointed; perhaps you think that you have failed somehow. You are not a failure if you do the best you can. Nothing more could ever be asked of you. At any time you simply need to do the best you can — and this will change based upon how much awareness or energy you have, how clear and focused you are, how connected you are to your inner creative and intuitive abilities, how clearly you are thinking, or how stressed you might be. Realize, all you need to do is the best you can. And keep going. In any case, you need to let go of disappointment and dissatisfaction; they only take away the energy you need to move forward (just like judging or resenting).

You need not try to conform to external or ego-based models of success, happiness, or perfection. You can learn to align your self with a higher reality, by practicing self-referral, by simply realizing what is true to your own self. Perfectionism is not a higher reality or truth; it is only a way in which we judge ourselves to be less.

You might feel pressured to perform according to some standard, whether yours or someone else's — and feel disappointed in not doing so. But, the only standard you need to follow is to simply be true to your self, and do what you know in your own heart to be right. And take the pressure off of your self. Break free of any negative reactions to pressure and expectations on you. You can do this by practicing getting centered in your self. Then, you will be less affected by outside things, and simply do what you can as well as you can.

Being responsible means acknowledging the results of your choices and actions, and accepting that you have greater power to create what you truly want. Responsibility is not about burden or disappointment or having a hard time; it's empowerment in your own life. With the acceptance of responsibility comes power, the power to make new choices.

Realize that you can have what you truly want, what you know in your heart is right for you. And, keep choosing it, to make it a reality. Take whatever steps you can, forward — even if it means going in a different direction. Be committed to what you truly want, not to following old directions, meeting old expectations, or matching anyone else's meaning of success.

9. Lack of Energy

Lack of energy is often a result of:

misdirected, unnecessary, or off-purpose tasks
conflict, resistance, denial, or resentment
suppressed feelings and desires
stress, worry, doubt, or fear
lack of commitment, interest, or caring
lack of connection with your true creative flow.

Do you feel a lack of purpose and joy in you? Perhaps you are resisting or resenting what you do in life/work, or somehow wasting your energy. The "rat race" can be very draining. Find your purpose, your dream, and you will have higher motivation, inspiration, and energy.

The energy you need is available to you. It comes from within, the same place you find purpose, peace, and joy. Learn to open to the higher energy of inspiration, within you, rather than trying to draw energy from things outside you. This is being true to your self. Otherwise, you might try to draw energy from the wrong things, such as stimulants, excitement, or emotion — which ultimately drain you further.

Lack of energy or fatigue can also indicate that you are ignoring your need to recharge yourself, and renew your energy, or you might not know how. As you go through life you lose energy, especially in situations or with people that are draining for you — physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.

Tiredness is an indication that you need more recuperation. Life progresses on the basis of cycles of rest and activity. The deeper the rest you get, the greater the energy you will have for activity. If you don't get enough rest, you may not have the inflow of energy you may need to do what you need to do.

Energy comes from within you, by balancing rest and activity. Dependence upon external influences — using them as drugs to stimulate you, rather than relying upon the natural energy within you — denies your need to rest. And, it ultimately wears you out even more.

People rely upon external stimulation most often when they are not acting in accordance with their higher purposes in life, when they are catering to their ego-emotional nature. The need for such stimulation comes from disregarding the body's need for rest or trying to outsmart it. This is not the basis of success.

Listen to the messages your body gives you, and work with them rather than trying to defeat them. The feedback you get from your body is telling you something; there is a real message there for you, and you need to listen to it.

Fatigue and pain are two symptoms of something not being all right in your body, in your life, in you. They are very clear messages which are telling you that this is so. If you tell yourself that the message is untrue, and disregard it, you are telling yourself a lie. Pain is not natural.

If you have lack of energy, fatigue, or pain, then you are somehow out of the flow of energy in your life, in you. You need to examine whether you are acting in accordance with your higher purposes in life — suffering is not part of it.

Then you need to get back into the creative flow of your life — the flow of energy in you which comes from inner and outer harmony, balance, and fulfillment of your higher purposes for living.

Resentment actually gives your energy to others — that is why people try to get you to resent them; they get your life energy. This keeps you locked into what you resent, and doesn't give you the space to choose a way out of it, if you need to. Resentment must go; it drains you of your energy and higher motivations.

Most forms of limiting and self-destructive behavior drain the life energy from you. This is why you need to not simply rest to have enough energy, but also need to not waste your energies in ways that do not serve you. The things that really bring you down, but which you may tell yourself are all right, must go. This includes all forms of addiction, large and small. They are energy sinks, which drain you.

It isn't hard to understand energy: simply look at what you are doing, the choices you are making, the behaviors you have made habitual. Simply ask yourself where your energy is going. You'll see. Awareness is the basis of choice; choice is the basis of different actions and different results. Change your choices, change your energy, and you will change the quality of your life.

10. Stress

Stress is generally a result of not dealing effectively or appropriately with situations — you are overwhelmed, thrown off balance, or upset. When you internalize the external pressures that are upon you, you feel inner turmoil, anxiety, pressure, conflict, or other forms of upset (or "dis-ease") inside you. You lose your center and become reactive. There are physical stressors such as disease, as well as mental, emotional, and other stresses. Stress affects us on all levels. And there is a destructive cycle inherent in stress reactions. The long term effects of stress are damaging to health and well-being.

You may experience stress when you act out of conditioning, programming, or other limiting habit patterns; when you act contrary to your conscience or inner knowing; or when you feel pressured by other people's expectations, desires, will, or demands on you.

Stress and anxiety relate to your own particular responses to situations; they are not inherent in a given situation, but in you. The stress reaction is a conditioned form of behavior that is both limiting and self-destructive. Your negative reaction to whatever you feel stressed by, limits your ability to respond in a way that would be most true to your self.

Some people seem to enjoy stress; they take their identity from stress; they enjoy having performance pressured out of them. They feel that they rise to the occasion, that stress brings out the best in them. The "joy" of stress is a false "high" similar to that in all sorts of self-destructive behavior patterns. There isn't any true joy in stress. You don't need something negative to bring out what is positive in you. You can appreciate success without stress.

Stress is not a part of success. It is not at all desirable to your self, if you are being true to your self. You might desire endless peace or happiness, but you couldn't possibly desire endless stress or suffering. Stress just isn't good for you. For the most part, stress brings out what is worst in people.

It is not possible to be centered in your self and be stressed, or to be stressed and be centered in your self. The more negatively you are affected by things outside you, the more stressed you will feel, and the less success you will experience in your ability to simply be your self and act from there.

The stress you experience in life/work overflows into many areas of life as you run short on the energy and means to effectively deal with situations. Stress is a destructive pattern which supports other limiting patterns of behavior in your life, by which you may try to cope inappropriately. Instead of releasing our stress, we often find addictions which distract us from what our real problems are. Basically, this does not release you from the effects of stress, because it does not release the stress from you. You still act out of stress and pressure, and lose your natural connection with your own resources, your own self — more and more; and your larger behavior patterns become adaptations to stress.

You may build up deeper levels of tiredness, fatigue, and pain in you, making you even more sensitive to, or reactive to, outside pressures. The stress you then experience further drains your energy, and this cycle goes on and on. Many dis-eases come from or are aggravated by stress in exactly this way.

Stress must not be coped with, or enjoyed — it must be gotten rid of. Above all the symptoms of stress must not be dealt with in a way that makes you immune to any awareness of the real underlying problem. Current advice on "stress management" which seeks to put you at ease with what is wrong in you and your behavior is, at best, misguided.

Everything you experience creates an impression upon you, your senses, and your nervous system, whether you are aware of it or not. And it invites a response, from you, or within you. Stress is a limiting, non-constructive response. Stress gets into you by your own negative reaction. It is this reactiveness — the cause of stress, not the symptoms — that must be dealt with. Only then can you act most appropriately and effectively, rather than acting out automatic reactions to whatever (or whoever) pressures you or places demands upon you.

Whenever you resent pressure, authority, intimidation, having demands placed upon you, what you are doing, or who you are doing it with, it is stressful. The idea is to be centered in your self, and act from there — to not be pressured by anything outside you. The key to truly managing is not to be reactive, not to be affected by everything (or anything in particular) outside you, but to be moved from within. Practicing the centering process, daily, will release you from your reactiveness to external things. And it will release the stress from you.

You cannot control everything that happens outside you, but you can master your own ability to respond — which means not being reactive, not resenting, not judging, not being a victim. You can learn to be centered, patient, calm, and poised, in your self.

11. External Obstacles

Having explored the internal obstacles to success, let's consider external obstacles. Even with regard to "external" obstacles, the most important thing is how we deal with them. What we do internally is more important than the nature of the external obstacle.

Let's say you are moving along in your choices, actions, and plans, and something comes up that seems to completely block your way. Many people interpret this situation as: they cannot go further; their plan has failed; they cannot have what they want; they will not get their results.

But, the only workable interpretation is: there must be a better way, a different way, something you haven't seen yet. Think of it as a "yield" sign rather than a "stop" sign. Even if you see an obstacle as a "stop" sign, realize that you may need to come to a stop, take in the larger view, get another perspective, and proceed once again. There is no such thing as being absolutely, totally, completely, and permanently blocked. There is always a different way, a way around, over, through, or parallel to where you want to go.

If you can't imagine how you could possibly go forward, ask yourself what you would do if you coulddo something. If you could do something, or take some action, what would it be? And, if that is all you can see to do, then do that. The idea is to not take any block, hindrance, interruption, or setback as being total. There is always a way to move. Maybe it's a matter of timing.

Maybe you need to take a step back, or two steps back, before you can go forward. Maybe instead of going forward you need to make a right turn, or a left turn, or a U-turn. Your commitment should be to get to where you want to go, not to a set course or set of preconceived directions. You have to be more flexible than that.

If you can't possibly imagine how you could go forward, ask for advice from others. Get a different point of view, some helpful suggestions, some support. If something needs to be done, and you can't do it, get someone else to do it. If you need information, facts, or feedback, get it. None of us is in this alone; if you need help, seek it. Have the attitude that any help you need will come, usually in ways that you cannot entirely control, predict, or calculate.

You have to get over your ego and pride; be humble, receptive, yielding, accepting.

If the same old thing you are used to doing isn't working for you, or if the results you are getting aren't really the ones you want, realize that different choices often produce preferable results. Inventors sometimes try to get a result in a thousand different ways: each one might be perceived as a "failure," or a reason to stop. But, the successful and creative and persevering person simply tries something else; they learn from their experience. And, if nothing else, they learn what doesn't work. It can be very valuable to know that.

Learn to work with time, rather than against it. There is a timing for everything. Sometimes it is necessary to pause at some point, to regroup, to gather energy or information, to determine a new or different direction. That is all part of getting where you want to go. Don't interpret the need to be more creative as a kind of setback. It is a challenge, an opportunity, a chance to learn and grow.

Look at an obstacle as an invitation to choose something different, rather than something which robs you of choice. As long as you have the power to choose, you can learn how to get past almost anything. And, if you don't think you have any real choices, you may need to expand your vision of possibilities and realize where you do have a choice — to do what you feel to be right, good, and true for you. That choice is always available to you. Always.

If you wish to truly know when you are right, don't doubt when you are wrong. You need to be able to tell the difference, clearly. It is the same light which shines within to reveal what is right and what is wrong; it is your true conscience.

If you are doing what you feel is right, good, and true for you, do not expect the way to be free, easy, or clear. Sometimes, the greater the thing you wish to accomplish, the greater the obstacle. Do not accept obstacles and limitations out of fear, habit, self-doubt, or self-limiting belief. See how things are, but don't take obstacles and limitations for more than what they are. Recognize them as a way to see what doesn't work and to learn what does.

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