Managing Your Self
Lesson 3: Purpose
1. A Sense of Purpose
Exercise One "A"
Exercise One "B"
Exercise Two
2. Higher Purpose
3. Openness
4. Your Dream
Exercise Three
5. Passion
6. Meaning
Exercise Four
7. Your Comfort Zone
Exercise Five
8. Risking
Exercise Six
1. A Sense of Purpose
Purpose has very little to do with "fitting in," accepting society's labels, or agreeing to things that unduly limit or oppress us. Purpose is essentially being free to be you.
Purpose comes from within you; it does not come from outside you. Your purpose — as opposed to your worldly role — may have very little to do with your education, training, social or cultural programming, or the role playing and conditioning you may have picked up from family, friends, or peers. In fact, it is possible that all of these have actually hindered your own inner realization of your true purpose in being.
Most people are programmed to live an unquestioning existence, and thereby lose touch with who they really are and what their purpose is in being here. They assume that whatever they do is their purpose. This is a self-deceptive trap, a way to remain comfortably unaware — or "accepted" and approved of by others.
You may have done many things in this life as a product of external programming, or conditioning. The thinking, desires, expectations, demands, pressures and will of others act through you, if you are not inner-directed. You can look within to find your purpose, and let go of external programming/conditioning which tells you who, what, and how you "should" be, and find your inner self.
You can only be fulfilled by being your own true self. You have to find your true purpose within you, and recognize your purpose is an expression of who you really are — which may be very different from who you think you are, who others expect you to be, or who you may have come to be until now.
What follows are two visualization processes for discovering or clarifying your purpose. You will simply be sitting quietly with eyes closed, and picturing something in your mind, in order to quietly withdraw from external influences, to free up your inner mind and awareness.
Choose which of these two exercises you will do, based upon the following criteria: If you are more "practical," and have never really had much time to pursue dreams, do exercise "A." If you are more of a "dreamer," and have not really been as practical as you might have wished in your dreaming or actions, do exercise "B."
Please read through the entire visualization before you begin, and then close your eyes.
Exercise One "A": Just relax, take a few deep
breaths, and close your eyes. Begin by mentally seeing
yourself seated where you are, totally surrounded by a warm
golden light. Next, feel yourself getting lighter and
lighter; picture yourself rising above the building you are in,
looking down as if you were floating high above it.
See the town beneath you; rise up above the country, and
finally the whole planet. Picture yourself in space, the
world beneath you, the stars around you. You are completely
free, and yet you feel a quiet strength and self-confidence.
Now, find a nice place to stop and rest and look down on
the earth, such as on top of a peak on the moon. Sit down,
look at the earth, and ask yourself what you came to earth for,
what you truly wanted to experience in your life. Let the
images come of people you love, things you enjoy. Take your
time.
When you are ready, see yourself leaving your resting
place, and begin to approach the earth again. See the world
looming before you, the land beneath you, then your town, the
building you are in, and finally the room you are in.
Feel your awareness, your aliveness, your freedom, your
purpose. Feel it in your body. When you are ready, take a
few moments and then gently open your eyes.
or
Exercise One "B": Just relax, take a few deep
breaths, and close your eyes. Begin by mentally seeing
yourself seated where you are, totally surrounded by a warm
golden light. Next see yourself in the future, at the end of
this life, looking back. You are in good health, your mind
is clear, and you feel a warm glow all around you.
You are looking back on this life, bringing to mind the
things you were glad you accomplished, the things you were glad
you experienced (even though they may not have all been fun at
the time), the people you were thankful that you knew (and
learned from), the successes. Take a little time to be aware
of this life.
See what comes to mind, and what you feel. Then, take
a look at some regrets you might feel, some things you wish you
had done, some things you wish you had taken a chance on, but
didn't. See what comes up for you, and what you feel.
All right. Now look back on your entire life,
realizing that the choices you needed to make, to be true to
your self, are available to you, now. See yourself gradually
coming back to the present moment, sitting where you are.
Bring back the perspective and the focus you had in the future,
with you, here and now.
Feel your awareness, your aliveness, your freedom, your
purpose. Feel it in your body. When you are ready, take a
few moments and then gently open your eyes.
What did you experience? Can you see how having a purpose must underlie whatever actions you may choose to engage in? Do you see more clearly what you want to do with your life?
Purpose is fundamental to life. It comes from within your self. Purpose has goals, but it is not a goal. Your purpose isn't located anywhere outside you, nor is it determined by your education, career, race, religion, age, sex, social, cultural, or other background. Your true purpose reflects or expresses your inner being; it is not a by-product of external programming or conditioning. And, it is not the everyday grind or satisfaction of material needs, ambitions, or desires. Very often these do not form any part of a higher purpose in living.
The concept of "free" will has to be understood and appreciated — to be truly aware of your options, to be aligned with what you find to be right, good, and true from within your own self, and to understand what it means to act accordingly. You do have consciousness, choice, and free will — whether or not you are aware of or have ever acted in accordance with your own true purposes. Connect with your inner self, and find what is true to you. It simply does not matter what anyone else has to say. The world-at-large may try to shape you, to make you fit in, to make you conform. True self-direction, self-respect, and self-determination come from rejecting worldly programming, conditioning, or indoctrination, and learning to be your own true self.
Exercise Two: Take a few deeper breaths, and close your
eyes again. Then, quietly ask your self the question
"What do I truly want most of all?" and see what
comes to mind. Take a few minutes, and quietly repeat the
question from time to time. Be easy with your self. Open
your eyes when you are ready.
When you are ready, complete the following phrase:
What I want most of all is to ...
See what comes to mind, and what you feel. Then, take
a look at some regrets you might feel, some things you wish you
had done, some things you wish you had taken a chance on, but
didn't. See what comes up for you, and what you
feel.
The more you know your self, the clearer your purpose will be. Purpose is simply expressed via your own awareness, and your ability to choose, in the present moment. Allow a greater appreciation of who you are — what you know to be right, good, and true within you — and express that, with love, truth, and simplicity. Live out of self, not selfishness.
Remember that you do have the power to create your life the way you want, by your choices. Even your purpose is ultimately your own choice. Life is the opportunity to be, do, and have what you want — by being true to your self.
This means not acting out of ego, pride, programming, or social or cultural conditioning, but realizing what is right and good and true in your own self. You have to love what is right more than anything else — and live that way.
By realizing what your purpose is, and proceeding from there, you can align your outer activities with your inner-directedness, and experience greater harmony, power, and fulfillment in all your life. Choose the highest, first. You have to live your own true purpose — not anyone else's. Find it in you.
2. Higher Purpose
Purpose is where you are coming from in life. It is the highest value and meaning you find in living — value and meaning both come from within you. Think of what might be different in your life if you were to realize, choose, and act on what you knew to be right, good, and true, in each and every moment.
Of course, the fulfillment of your purposes, goals, and needs, begins with your awareness of what they truly are, in your own self. By knowing who you are, inside, you can express your self outside — and align your choices and actions in life and work with your true purposes in living. By realizing what is right and good and true, within your own self, you can accomplish your highest purposes in living — this means choosing the highest first, in life and work.
Purpose is not the same as ego involvement or emotional involvement. It is not ego excitement, pride, attachment, obsession; it is not personal glory, personal gain; it is not seeking to take anything from anyone. It is seeking to give. Purpose means realizing the highest in your self, and choosing to express it.
Maybe you are unaware of what you have to give, or don't realize that your choices make a difference — they do, especially for you. That is enough. Yet, if you habitually come from a place of lack, inside, you may feel stuck there. Self-negating conditioning is usually the cause of this; perhaps you were invalidated by others when you truly expressed your self or didn't "fit in."
Actually, "not fitting in" is the basis of having a truly creative purpose. "Fitting in" — accepting all of the common programming and social conditioning — is not a solution. If you cannot find purpose in your life — in you — you have probably accepted some self-negating programming or conditioning. You can get free from this self-negating conditioning, rather than letting it run you or your life — by simply realizing the opportunity you have, the choice you have, and the power you have, to live a life that is more true to who you really are.
So, think about it. If you could make it real, what truly positive thing would you see as your purpose in life?
Realize, on some level inside you, you really and truly know what you want to do in this life, what you want to have in this life, and what you want to be in this life. You have a role to play in life. But, beneath any role you choose to play, must be an intimate knowledge of your own self and your real purposes. A certain re-identification is necessary with the true inner self, especially if you have been conditioned or otherwise displaced from your true self in life.
Purpose is alignment with reality, a choice to come ever closer to the truth in you, a constant self-inquiry into the right direction. In seeking a true inner guidance from which to live life in each moment, personal choices evolve to become truer. A person living his or her purpose is alert, aware in the present moment, and making choices aligned with the inner self.
What is necessary is a process of self-referral, in which you look within for a sense of true direction. This is done with an open mind, with receptivity, and a willingness to align yourself and your actions with what you know to be right, good, and true. Notice how this further requires the abandonment of a lot of old ideas, conditioning, programming, and expectations.
Your choices and actions in life flow from the purpose you have found, or not found, within you. It is necessary to express your inner self in your outer directed activity, in order to fulfill your true purpose in living. If you feel a lack of inner purpose, or outer-directed activity in accordance with your purpose, you may feel that something is missing in your life. By knowing and accepting your purpose, without judging your purpose or comparing it with anyone else's, you will find fulfillment in expressing it.
Appreciate the very real ability you have to transform your experience of life: love, truth, peace, and joy are to be found within you. It is all there for you, if you will look beyond the limitations you may be experiencing. Realize, you can get past anything that is in the way of your highest good.
3. Openness
What is the quality which allows us to move towards something better, to accept something new or different, to embrace a sense of purpose or meaning? It is openness. By openness we are referring to a natural quality of being, a receptivity to what is right, good, and true for us. Before you can have or act on what you truly want, you have to be open to receiving it. You have to be open to inspiration, inner-directedness, and a progressive or ascending current of creativity.
It takes the tiniest shift, from being closed to being open, to bring into your experience all that you need, all that will take you higher. It is such a small shift, that it often goes unnoticed — or else we do not know how to do it. The shift is in our awareness, our consciousness, what we can see, and then what we are able to choose. It is a shift in how we hold things, how we see our selves, our inner stance. It is how we allow movement, change, growth, or a greater unfolding of our true self. All of this comes from the simple quality of openness.
You have limitless opportunities. It is largely your perceptions, expectations, and judgments — especially those you hold towards yourself — which filter out or disregard the opportunities that you have at each and every moment.
You could live your dream, if you truly wanted, if you looked in your heart for it, realized it, and had the courage to go for it. This takes openness. If you do not have this quality, you instead live in a much more closed, unnatural, unprogressive, and unfulfilling state.
What you need to know is: it is never too late. The only place you can choose what is right for you, what you want more than anything, is now, here. The only place you can choose is in the present moment. It doesn't matter where you've been, what may have been your experience in the past, or what expectations you may have already accepted for yourself for your future. You can change. You can choose to open yourself to, and receive, something more, something better, something wonderful.
We had this quality of openness when we were children. And, if we have ignored it or overlooked it, or even chosen not to be open, we can change all that. We can learn to be open, and allow ourselves to move towards our most heartfelt dreams, now. All we have to work with is the now, the present moment. This is where we create our future. Here. Now. There is no other time to do it, other than now. The past may have passed you by, but the present is always here. This is where you get to choose. This is your point of power.
Openness is a quality which takes little effort; it takes effort to remain closed to possibilities.
So, how do we recapture this remarkable quality of being, which allows us to realize, pursue, and fulfill our dreams? The way children do. We bring joy, play, curiosity, and wonder into all that we do. We let go of the seriousness of our existence, the choices we've made in the past, the upsets and disappointments of the past, the expectations we may have had but not reached. Remember, expectations are not a pathway of creative change, or openness to our own sense of purpose and progress. Expectations are given to us by others, outside of us. That is not what we mean by "openness." Never mistake the meeting of others' expectations of you for being "open" or "successful." They are entirely different.
Look at how children play. They are very much "in the moment." They do not have a set, habitual, routine way of doing everything. Structure gets in the way of openness. They are imaginative, lighthearted, curious. They look at everything with fresh eyes. This is not just a matter of "age." It is a matter of attitude. And, it is a choice you make. You look for the possibilities — you investigate, explore, discover — in relation to everything.
You don't know what comes next. The only way you do, is when you control everything in your life, when you limit your options to what you already know, do, and have. That is not openness, but the contrary. Open yourself to the unexpected, the unknown, the unpredictable. Make believe anything is possible. Make believe you could do anything you put your mind to, and believed in your heart. Make believe you can make a difference. You can. All you have to do is believe in yourself enough to go forward. There is no such thing as certainty, but do not let that keep you from doing what you really want to. Your awareness, your attention, makes a difference.
Stop listening to — or obeying — the voice of doubt, fear, worry, self-consciousness, conformity, or expectation. Listen instead to what your heart is saying to you, what moves you, what touches you deeply, what matters to you, what you feel you might have to offer.
4. Your Dream
Lots of people have a dream, or what they think is their dream. We are going to point out how to realize and live your truest dreams, while we also point out what are not real dreams.
Many things are commonly labeled as "dreams" — but are not. A person may want a "dream house," a "dream car," a "dream date," a "dream spouse," a "dream job," and so on. These are things that people wish for, fantasize about, or desire. But they are not true dreams.
The dream in your heart is more about who you really are, rather than things you want. It is not materialistic, hedonistic, or capitalistic. A true dream is not financial. A true dream is not about what you can get, but about what you can give. If all you can think about is what you can get, or things that you want, then you haven't looked deeply enough within you to know what your true dreams are.
If you do not know who you are inside, more deeply, you will be run by the thoughts, feelings, and desires that flow through you. You will take them as real. You will imagine that is you. It is not. There is a difference between a desire and a dream. Desires are most often about getting something, and are usually ego-emotional in nature.
Desires drive us. Dreams lead us.
Assume that you have a dream in your heart, something that means a lot to you. Would you like to uncover it, unfold it, or pursue it?
Exercise Three: Take a few deeper breaths, and close your eyes. Imagine that you not only have gifts, but that you are a gift. Your presence, your actions, your creative work is of value to others. You have something to give, something to offer. Think about what it is. See yourself giving in some way, helping, providing, assisting, facilitation, creating, making a difference. See what you are doing, and with whom. Picture it in your mind — you are being appreciated for being your self, and doing what you would love to do. When you have a feel for this, gently open your eyes. Describe what you experienced (in 200 words or less).
Think about what you have to offer. It is your gift. It is who you are. It is more than you might have thought you could be. Realize, you have to allow this for your self, and accept this true quality of being, before you can give it to anyone else.
When you pursue a dream, others may be inspired or wish to participate. They may feel, on some level, that it is happening for you. They sense the flow, the creative energy, the reality of it. The space that you create for yourself — opening to what is true for you — allows others to do the same. It gives them "permission" to be themselves, to follow a dream, too.
Even better than thinking of what you have to offer as a gift, think of your self as the gift. How are you going to bestow that gift? To whom? What uplifting, creative, original, joyful, playful, positive difference can you make? Open yourself to feeling what that would be like. Open yourself to the dream in your own heart, and cherish it. It wouldn't be there if it weren't for you.
5. Passion
"Passion" is a word that people use in relation to living life to the fullest. They talk about a "passion for living," or "following your passion." Yet, passion is not the best motive force for the choices you make in life. It merely refers to the energy behind your choices — usually, what is driving you, rather than what is leading you.
Passion refers to a stirring of emotion, or emotional excitement. Excitement is not the best indicator of what is right, good, or true. You could collect old soda pop bottle caps with a passion, and some people probably do, but the fact that you are totally absorbed in this, or find the meaning of your life in this, does not make it all that worthwhile. People choose to lose themselves in the mundane — and make it an obsession — for the specific purpose of not having to ever look more deeply into themselves, or find a truer meaning in life.
It could be anything, bottle caps to used underwear of famous athletes or stars. We realize that people do get totally absorbed in these sorts of things, and sometimes so many of them do it that they create a demand for such items, and perhaps bid them up in value. Realize, the fact that people will pay for something does not make it worthwhile or ultimately worth anything at all.
What others pay for or value — especially the most absurd illusions of worth and value — is not a reliable guide for what your life energy is worth, or what you should devote your time to. Consider the real value of things. Look at what is really of value, what really matters in life, and base your choices upon that. A passion for the absurd or worthless is only an excuse to avoid finding what is truly of value in life. And that is a terrible price to pay.
Of course, people develop passions for things that do have merchandisable value. But that still is not the measure of what is of value in life. Value is not an economic or financial measure. It is a measure of what has deeper meaning to you, what helps you to know and express who you really are, to unfold your greater potential. This comes from within you. It is not a market value.
There are many things that people feel very passionate about, which captivate them. Remember the role of social conditioning, programming, ego, emotion, and desire. They are all very strong motivating factors in behavior — but none of them is true to the inner self, the authentic self. You may feel very strongly about something but that does not mean it is ultimately of any importance or value to your true self — it may only be your programming. And, going along with your programming, even if you glorify it and feel passionate about it, is ultimately meaningless to your inner being. It comes from and satisfies the expectations of others — or the world-at-large — but it does nothing to fulfill your higher purpose in living. The idea is to let go of or reject programming, conditioning, and indoctrination, not to embrace them as your salvation.
People embrace their programming as their salvation — as the one thing they can depend upon — all the time; but, the fact that people do it and recommend it does not make it right, good, or true.
There may be a lot of energy within which is a sense of peace, calm, or inner satisfaction — not necessarily emotionalism, egotism, or excitement — accompanying a deeper purpose or meaning in life. You may feel the energy of creative flow when you realize or pursue your purpose or dreams in life. That is natural and appropriate and useful. Ego, emotion, and desire on the other hand mean your energy is going towards things that will not ultimately fulfill you; excitement is just too superficial and transient to provide any true motivation or meaning. And it certainly doesn't indicate what is right, good, or true for you. You have to be more discerning than that.
6. Meaning
Meaning and purpose are supposed to come from within you. But the educational process you have been through has largely removed these qualities from you.
In our education we are given the acceptable meaning for everything. And if we do not take that meaning as our own, we are given poor or failing grades. This process of education — demanded by society — robs us of our own meaning. It is, ultimately, only programming and indoctrination, and has nothing whatsoever to do with what it means to find meaning within our own selves.
If you do not know the meaning of things, you do not know their purpose. If you do not find meaning in you, you do not know your own purpose. This is why countless people who have been put through the educational system for thirteen or seventeen years or more have absolutely no idea what they are doing here on Earth. Instead of being shown how to find meaning, purpose, and direction within themselves, they have been conditioned to the exact opposite.
The word education comes from the Latin, "educare," which means to draw out from within you. What is done in the name of education in our society is exactly opposite to this. You are force-fed facts, information, figures, rules, and discipline which completely rob you of your own inner meaning, inner direction, creativity, intuition, sense of wonder, and sense of self. You are judged by how well you recite the same answers as everyone else. What gets lost in this process is: you.
We are here to help you reverse this wrong, to set it right, to put you back onto who you really are — your true inner abilities, strengths, meaning, truths, and purposes. We are going to help free you from the externally imposed, rigid, regimented, "everybody think and act the same" mentality of formal education. Regardless of your age, your life experience, your education or work, you very likely carry this enormously limiting mindset with you, to this day. It has limited — and in many cases, entirely blocked — your creativity, your deeper intuition, your sense of meaning and purpose.
Do you have any idea who you really are, other than what you feel you are expected to be?
Do you have any idea why you are walking around on this Earth, or what difference your life makes?
Do you have any idea how to find your own meaning and purpose, or have you been discouraged from that?
Do you think someone else has your answers, truth, meaning, purpose, or direction for you?
Are you ready to be who you are, now? Have you had enough of being what everyone else has expected you to be, rather than realizing, finding, and drawing upon your truest abilities, your deeper strengths, your inner-directedness, creativity, intuition, free thinking, and originality?
If you wish, you can begin to do this, now.
Exercise Four: This is an exercise which you cannot
possibly do wrong. There is no wrong answer to this
exercise. Whatever you do is absolutely totally right. We
are not going to judge you, and
neither should you. Give yourself the space to be
your self, to be free, open, in a place of joy and wonder.
Here's what we want you to do: get in touch with the
joy, freedom, and poetry of your soul, your inner self.
Imagine and
feel what it is like to be able to express yourself
freely without any judgment whatsoever, no one saying good or
bad, right or wrong, acceptable or not, worthy or not. Now
close your eyes, feel what it is like to be open and free, and
allow yourself to speak the poetry within you.
Everyone has poetry in their soul, in their heart, in
their true self. There is something that wants to be
expressed. Let it come out. Hear it. Listen to it.
Express it. Just start speaking. If you can't find
how to start, begin with the words, "I am ..." and
continue. Just keep speaking it out. It doesn't have
to rhyme or make sense or have meaning. It is from the
heart. Just let it out. It is important to you. It is
expressing you. Don't worry what the actual words
are. Let it flow. It can be long or not. You'll
know when you are done. When you are ready, gently open your
eyes, and look at the world
through your own eyes.
When you practice this exercise, you will come to realize that meaning is actually quite arbitrary; it is something that you give to things. It is not a matter of what anyone else thinks. It is what you truly think and feel. And something can have meaning for you without any words, or without any of the words meaning what they are "supposed" to mean. Meaning is freeing, not limiting. It is only the erroneous way that we have been forced to accept everyone else's meaning that have deprived us of our own meaning. Remember, when you do this exercise, it's not what the words "mean" in a dictionary kind of way; it's what you feel, it's the sense you get within you that matters. This exercise may be the most difficult for the most "educated" people, who have enormous difficulty getting past the meanings they have taken from everyone else — which defines the process of "higher" education. Persevere. Seek your true self-expression. Do not judge yourself or evaluate yourself as others would. Learn what it means to be free.
When you are free in this way, you are free to do what is truly right for you. When you are free in this way, you will be able to imagine doing what you came here to do.
7. Your Comfort Zone
Most of us get used to living in our own comfort zone. One person may only feel comfortable sitting on the couch, watching television, with a bag of potato chips; the experience puts them in their comfort zone. Another person may take part in extreme sports, and feel that they are "in the zone" when they do that; the thrilling experience, the adrenaline rush, and success in complex mind-body coordination may produce a lot of endorphins in their brain. The experience makes them feel more like who they are. Regardless of the activity we engage in, we each tend to find our own comfort zone, and inhabit it.
So, is there anything wrong with being in your comfort zone, or "getting in the zone"? No. The problem occurs when we define ourselves within this experience, because we are, in reality, much more than that. We are more than we experience ourselves to be, in the "zone." We may have found a place that is supportive of our illusions, our desires, our ego, or our programming — if so, we need to see it as only that. It is not the true ground of our being; it is not a place to stay. Our comfort zone needs to be changing — sometimes radically — as we grow, learn, and experience new things. The true measure of all things is not whether we can get comfortable with them.
Some people seek a place of physical comfort, others a mental comfort, others an emotional comfort, others a spiritual comfort. These are often very different kinds of comfort zones, which involve very different kinds of activities. Another way of looking at this, is that very different activities can put you in a very different comfort zone. And, this is the basis of creative change, problem solving, learning, and true success. Be willing to move out of your comfort zone, or to push its boundaries, rather than finding a comfortable place to remain and staying there. This is how you initiate change, by noticing what is comfortable or familiar and choosing to alter some element of it.
In simple terms, you have to learn to step out of your comfort zone. The things that hold greater purpose and meaning for you are generally outside your comfort zone.
Our comfort zone becomes a place of habitual retreat, rather than a solid ground for change. If you think of your comfort zone as a room that you have decorated, you can begin to get a feel for what it is really like. Is it big or small? Does it have a wall around it? Does it invite you to go outside of it? What have you filled your comfort zone with? Who is in the room, and who is kept outside of that room? What are the decorations? Are they things that have been handed down from your family? Are they fashionable things that make you fit in with the world today? Have you arranged things in your comfort zone according to how they match your social, cultural, or personal programming and conditioning? Is the room the same as it has been for a long time, or does it ever really change? Do you ever step outside of it — and do something completely different, unexpected, unpredictable, creative, original, or new?
Exercise Five: Think of your comfort zone, and the ways in which you may feel comfortable being where you are. Now, consider everything else you wish to be, do, or have in life, which you may not have reached for, yet. Consider the simplest expression of your life, what you really need and what you do not. Many things may come into your awareness. You can write about them, here.
The way to step out of the too narrow borders of your comfort zone is to take a moment to step back out of your everyday, conditioned, same-old same-old life. Pause, take a look at where you are, what you are doing, and ask yourself, "Could I do something different? Is there a better way? Can I push back the borders of my comfort zone and bring in something new?" Get in touch with your inner self, your creative or intuitive self. See what you feel to do. You may need to give yourself permission to be spontaneous, curious, adventurous.
If you always do something the same way, all the time, notice that. Is it habit, is it the preference to remain in your old comfort zone, or is it free choice in the present moment? For example, if you always drive, try taking the bus. If you only watch sports, try playing them (people do this at all ages). If you always watch the news on TV, try reading the paper. If you always read one paper, try reading a different one. When you dine out, try something you've never heard of before, rather than going for the same old fast food or the same old menu items. Notice how it feels to even think about doing something outside of your comfort zone, and you are on your way to expanding it.
Finally, realize that the quality of your life is not a matter of doing things that are exciting or which provide an adrenaline rush. That is not the goal, and that is not the place to live from. Rather it is a matter of what is expansive, progressive, and creative. Your own interest will lead you to something new, different, better. It is up to you to pursue the things that invite your participation, curiosity, input, or contribution. You are already aware of things like that — outside your normal comfort zone. You simply need to step out of the comfort zone, which may feel a bit uncomfortable, see what might be even better, and do it. It is a choice you make.
8. Risking
Have you ever thought that there is a risk involved in simply being yourself? What if you are rejected, not approved of, or put down in some way? That can be more hurtful than the risk involved in doing something "dangerous." We compromise our selves, who we are, and who we hope we might be, by eliminating the risk of trying.
Basically, you need to "risk" being true to your self and your higher purposes in life. Otherwise, you run the risk of going through life "safely" avoiding anything that would call upon more of your true self; you may not have any challenges, any opportunities for growth, or any real purpose for living.
Did you ever have any big hopes and dreams? Did you want something more, something better for yourself? Did you listen to your heart, or did you listen to the voices of judgment, criticism, and defeat? What happened to your hopes and dreams?
All too often, we listen to the voice of defeat rather than the voice of inspiration or success. We fear defeat and so we defeat ourselves, first, before we can be defeated by the world-at-large. But, how does accepting defeat save us from anything, in reality?
There is a risk in having a purpose, a direction — from within you. What if your purpose, your direction, your sense of what you are here for, is somehow beyond your capability? What if you fail? There is a risk in happiness. What if you lose it?
Everyone has fears and anxieties. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. Unfortunately, most people give in to their fears and anxieties — they modify their choices, behavior, and goals to accommodate their fears and anxieties.
Once again, we often erroneously try to protect ourselves from failure by failing to try.
If you don't try, you can't fail — but, you can't succeed, either. And that is a very high cost to pay.
Risking is about believing in your self, not taking careless risks, not testing your ego, not trying to prove something to someone else. You have nothing to prove to anyone, even yourself.
All you need to do is more fully appreciate who you are and what you are capable of. Take time to explore your abilities, your strengths, your true calling in life.
Risking is not about being unsafe — you are safe, and you stay safe. You just may not feel entirely safe when you move out of your comfort zone, familiar habit, conditioning, programming. Of course, risking has nothing whatsoever to do with going against conscience, or your sense of what is right, good, and true. It is not being bad or embracing wrong, as if that were "good."
There is no need to do anything dangerous or difficult to prove that you are willing to risk being you. Being your self is simple. It is not inherently dangerous or difficult or problematic. Trying to be something other than who you are can be much harder, and is a lot more problematic.
Exercise Six: Make a list of five things that would be
risking, for you. What is "risky" for you may be
very different from what is risky for another person.
Consider your own situation. When you have at least five
items on your list, remove any that involve a real danger.
Keep going until you have a list of five things that
feel risky to you, but which you can see value in.
Next, put them in order from the most risky down to the least
risky. And see how you could do the least risky item
(without creating or allowing real danger).
Then see if you can do it. After you have done it,
move on to the next item on the list, working your way up.
If the least risky item still feels too risky for you, find one
thing to do that has the least feeling of risking to you, and
do that. Work your way up to things that matter more to you,
which you feel somehow unable to do. Get past the internal
resistance (do
not go against conscience or what you know to be
right).
There is probably some value in whatever you are good at, what uplifts you, what allows you to unfold more of your abilities, to experience greater fulfillment. There is also value in reaching beyond your well-known abilities and limitations. Why not risk that, why not risk being more, better, more fulfilled?
Dare to imagine more.
There is a greater risk in not being true to yourself, than in being true to yourself.
Realize, it is a choice you make. People who want different results are willing to make different choices, and do something different. Courage is about doing what you feel is right and good for you, even though you feel fear, worry, or anxiety. It isn't about being "fearless." Look at your situation objectively, see the real risks — and if the risks you are reacting to are unreal, if the fear has no basis in reality, if the worry is merely habit, then see past it.
Basically, what is right and good and true for you is always available to you. You have the ability to find it, know it, and live it, because it is already within you.