Higher Learning
Lesson 7: Purpose, goals, and success
1. A Sense of Purpose
Exercise One "A"
Exercise One "B"
Exercise Two
2. The Power to Succeed
3. Acting In a Way That Is True to Your Self
4. Success
5. Your Dream
Exercise Three
6. Releasing Limitations
7. Conscience
Exercise Four
8. Knowing What is of Value
9. Balance
10. Risking
Exercise Five
11. More
12. Three Parts of Success
1. A Sense of Purpose
Purpose has very little to do with "fitting in," accepting society's labels, or agreeing to things that unduly limit or oppress us. Purpose is essentially being free to be you.
You may have done many things in this life as a product of external programming, or conditioning. The thinking, desires, expectations, demands, pressures and will of others act through you, when you are not inner-directed. Look within to find your purpose, and let go of external programming or conditioning which tells you who, what, or how you "should" be; and find your inner self.
Purpose — a reason for living — comes from within you; it does not come from outside you. Your purpose — as opposed to your worldly role — may have very little to do with your education, training, social or cultural programming, or the role playing and conditioning you may have picked up from family, friends, or peers. In fact, it is possible that all of these have actually hindered your own inner realization of your true purpose in being.
Most people are programmed to live an unquestioning existence, and thereby lose touch with who they really are and what their purpose is in being here. They assume that whatever they do is their purpose. This is a self-deceptive trap, a way to remain comfortably unaware — or "accepted" and approved of by others.
You can only be fulfilled by being your own true self. You have to find your true purpose within you, and recognize your purpose is an expression of who you really are — which may be very different from who you think you are, who others expect you to be, or who you may have come to be until now.
What follows are two visualization processes for discovering or clarifying your purpose. You will simply be sitting quietly with eyes closed, and picturing something in your mind, in order to quietly withdraw from external influences, to free up your inner mind and awareness.
Choose which of these two exercises you will do, based upon the following criteria: If you are more "practical," and have never really had much time to pursue dreams, do exercise "A." If you are more of a "dreamer," and have not really been as practical as you might have wished in your dreaming or actions, do exercise "B."
Please read through the entire visualization before you begin, and then close your eyes.
Exercise One "A": Just relax, take a few deep breaths, and close your eyes. Begin by mentally seeing yourself seated where you are, totally surrounded by a warm golden light. Next, feel yourself getting lighter and lighter; picture yourself rising above the building you are in, looking down as if you were floating high above it.
See the town beneath you; rise up above the country, and finally the whole planet. Picture yourself in space, the world beneath you, the stars around you. You are completely free, and yet you feel a quiet strength and self-confidence.
Now, find a nice place to stop and rest and look down on the earth, such as on top of a peak on the moon. Sit down, look at the earth, and ask yourself what you came to earth for, what you truly wanted to experience in your life. Let the images come of people you love, things you enjoy. Take your time.
When you are ready, see yourself leaving your resting place, and begin to approach the earth again. See the world looming before you, the land beneath you, then your town, the building you are in, and finally the room you are in.
Feel your awareness, your aliveness, your freedom, your purpose. Feel it in your body. When you are ready, take a few moments and then gently open your eyes.
or
Exercise One "B": Just relax, take a few deep breaths, and close your eyes. Begin by mentally seeing yourself seated where you are, totally surrounded by a warm golden light. Next see yourself in the future, at the end of this life, looking back. You are in good health, your mind is clear, and you feel a warm glow all around you.
You are looking back on this life, bringing to mind the things you were glad you accomplished, the things you were glad you experienced (even though they may not have all been fun at the time), the people you were thankful that you knew (and learned from), the successes. Take a little time to be aware of this life.
See what comes to mind, and what you feel. Then, take a look at some regrets you might feel, some things you wish you had done, some things you wish you had taken a chance on, but didn't. See what comes up for you, and what you feel.
All right. Now look back on your entire life, realizing that the choices you needed to make, to be true to your self, are available to you, now. See yourself gradually coming back to the present moment, sitting where you are. Bring back the perspective and the focus you had in the future, with you, here and now.
Feel your awareness, your aliveness, your freedom, your purpose. Feel it in your body. When you are ready, take a few moments and then gently open your eyes.
What did you experience? Can you see how having a purpose must underlie whatever actions you may choose to engage in? Do you see more clearly what you want to do with your life?
Your purpose isn't determined by your education, career, race, religion, age, sex, social, cultural, or other background. Your true purpose reflects or expresses your inner being; it is not a by-product of external programming or conditioning. And, it is not the everyday grind or satisfaction of material needs, ambitions, or desires. Very often these do not form any part of a higher purpose in living.
It does not matter what anyone else has to say. The world-at-large may try to shape you, to make you fit in, to make you conform. You have consciousness, choice, and free will — whether or not you are aware of or have ever acted in accordance with your own true purposes. Connect with your inner self, and find what is true to you. Self-direction, self-respect, and self-determination come from rejecting worldly programming, conditioning, or indoctrination, and learning to be your own true self.
Exercise Two: Take a few deeper breaths, and close your eyes again. Then, quietly ask your self the question "What do I truly want most of all?" and see what comes to mind. Take a few minutes, and quietly repeat the question from time to time. Be easy with your self. Open your eyes when you are ready.
When you are ready, complete the following phrase:
What I want most of all is to ...
See what comes to mind, and what you feel. Then, take a look at some regrets you might feel, some things you wish you had done, some things you wish you had taken a chance on, but didn't. See what comes up for you, and what you feel.
The more you know your self, the clearer your purpose will be. Purpose is simply expressed via your own awareness, and your ability to choose, in the present moment. Allow a greater appreciation of who you are, and express that, with love, truth, and simplicity. Live out of self, not selfishness.
By realizing what your purpose is, and proceeding from there, you can align your outer activities with your inner-directedness, and experience greater harmony, power, and fulfillment in all your life. This means not acting out of ego, pride, programming, or social or cultural conditioning, but simply realizing what is right and good and true for you.
2. The Power to Succeed
The power to succeed is the ability to realize Truth, and reject illusions. To some, this may feel like some sort of "constraint" upon them, but it is simply the way to recognize and succeed at what is right. Otherwise, you are to some extent not being true to your self, or you are being a success at something less, or buying into illusions of success.
What do you wish to be successful at? If you are not fulfilling your own purpose in living, what would you consider "success"? What would be the worth of all the wealth you might have, create, or build? What would be the purpose?
For most people, success is a matter of rising above life's hardships and limitations, and living life on your own terms. It is a process of overcoming the tendency of things to remain the same, or worsen. The power to succeed is the ability to realize and fulfill your true purposes — your own highest purpose in living.
This course is not about "being a success at everything," or even a success at everything you might want to be successful at. Rather it is about being successful at only what is right and good and true for you, in a higher sense. Recognize and succeed at what truly matters to you. Otherwise, you are to a certain extent not being true to your self, or being a success at something less.
Success is not found in blissfully, mindlessly, or unconsciously acting out all of your programming and conditioning, and being approved of and rewarded for this by others (like a trained seal in the circus). Life has a far greater dignity, purpose, or value than that. The idea is to find the higher purpose, the higher truth, in your life choices and actions, and get free from anything less.
Why do you wish greater success? Do you want to be a success at what you do, because that is really what you want to do, and what you enjoy doing? Do you want greater success at what brings you wealth, so that you can be doing something entirely different? Think about that. It is never too late to get some perspective on why you are doing what you do, or to find a way to do what really matters to you.
For all of those who believe they are here to "have fun," thinking that is their reason for living, we must point out that a true purpose in living has to mean making a difference that you were here. Having fun seldom meets that criteria. It is important to enjoy what you do — and to do something that makes a contribution, which you can properly feel good about doing. That is different from doing whatever feels good.
You have to ask yourself: is what you are doing true to who you are? Are you putting off being happy for some time in the future when you get to do something else? What if you could do what you really wanted now? What if you had the power to succeed at what really mattered to you?
Learn to be more aware of why you are doing what you do, why you are choosing what you do, and why you act as you do, in all areas of your life. And you will begin to make better choices, which are more true to you.
You will find as you become more aware of your own true purposes that all actions serve some purpose. Purpose is the underlying motivating force, intention, or energy behind each and every action. Do you have that working for you, or not?
Choose actions that have only the highest purposes, the purest intentions, the highest aspirations. This is the essence of what it means to find "success" in your life, in your own choices and behavior, to fulfill your true purpose in living. Purpose is not conceit, pride, or a feeling of being "better than" others. It is a humble, inward-looking, honest form of self-expression that comes from knowing your true self.
3. Acting In a Way That Is True to Your Self
How do you know if your choices and actions are truly serving you? People make choices all the time which do not truly serve them, which do not take them higher but bring them down. If they could discern the difference, perhaps they would make better choices, and act in a way that was more true to who they are. More often, they sleep-walk through life, unaware of having any greater purpose, making choices that provide immediate gratification, now knowing who they really are, what they really want, or how to really have it.
Success begins with waking up out of this sleep, this state of unawareness, or denial.
When your awareness is limited by habitual, self-limiting patterns of behavior, popular programming, ego, and emotion, you may feel a lack of higher purpose — you go through life acting in a way that doesn't truly serve you. It may be painful to be aware of this, to awaken to the truth of this, but you must realize the truth about where you are stuck, if you truly wish to get free.
The reason most people don't experience greater success — and financial freedom — isn't a matter of how hard they are working as much as: they are not not working smart; they don't know how to make good decisions; they never risk being true to their personal dreams; they spend whatever they earn at the whim of their ego-emotional nature; they remain stuck in self-limiting behavior (often a large or small addiction); and they do not know who they are or what their higher purpose is in living, or how to do it. They lack the knowledge of how to succeed, and instead live out their programming to fit in and be like everyone else, a creature of consumption and artificial needs, without a higher purpose.
There is a much better way to live, and it is all about learning to be true to your own self. Not in a selfish or egotistical way, but in a real way — in the choices you make, daily, and in the plans you have or hopes you have for your life. Acting in a way that is true to who you really are is not an ego high, but rather the purest motivation. It is action in accordance with the highest in you. A higher purpose in living leads to a course of action that is not just true to you, or good for you, but which serves the highest purposes of others as well.
There is a big difference between serving the ego, emotions, will, or demands of others versus serving the highest in you and others. To the extent that your actions are approval-seeking or "successful" in totally meeting the desires and expectations of others, your actions may not be true to your own self. If you are doing what is right, good, and true, in a higher sense, then you are helping others to come to that, too.
Merely helping people to satisfy their ego-emotional desires does not truly help them any more than it really helps you. But, that is the nature of much of what passes for "business" and "service" in our society; it is ego-based and ego-serving, and it does not serve a higher purpose or Higher Good.
The less you question things — everything — the less you can see the purposes they serve, and the more conditioned your perceptions, thoughts, and actions will be. To the extent that you do not truly think for your self, your actions serve the lesser purposes of others — they are in accordance with the thinking and the will of others. It takes awareness and practice to discern the "why" of your motivations, actions, or purposes.
4. Success
In the narrowest sense, we are all successful. We go through life making choices, moment by moment, and experience the results of our actions. Some would call this "success." But, it is often little more than unthinking, unaware, habitual, uncreative behavior. It is very important to understand what it is you want to be successful at, and what you are already successful at. For most people, living in denial, success is measured by their satisfaction in remaining stuck in the traps, addictions, and illusions they already have. Of course, this is the exact opposite of any real definition of success. It is failure.
There is a lot of money to be made in catering to people's illusions, egos, desires, dependencies, addictions, and selfishness — and their popular social programming. You need to be aware that this ultimately brings them, and our society, down, not up.
Consider those who are glorified as the greatest successes by their society. Think of who is paid the most, who is rewarded the most for the invaluable service they provide to the world ... baseball players, football players, tennis players, professional golfers, professional wrestlers, basketball players. The reason they are paid millions is that they prop up every possible illusion about what matters in life, and make sure it takes the place of what does. Or, are all these people running around solving the problems of global conflict, hunger, disease, crime, abuse, corruption, and so on?
Consider the other highest paid members of society: movie stars. They are the self-described "gods and goddesses" or "royalty" of Hollywood. They, too, generally have limitless egos, arrogance, and idiocy. And society richly rewards them for promoting every possible fiction and illusion, as well. Pop culture promoters live like royalty, in forty-thousand square foot palaces, and have no idea — or sense — of how to live outside of their monuments to their egos. Remember, the greater the egotism, materialism, and hedonism, the less spiritual a person is, the less they have any idea who they are, in reality.
Do you see the pattern here? Our society says: do what keeps people lost in their illusions, cater to ego and emotion, and distract people from ever looking more deeply into themselves, in their own lives ... and you will make a fortune, and people will love you for it. In a sense, people pay for their illusions, they pay to live in denial; yes, they really do pay. Because they wind up suffering more in life as a result of filling their lives and their minds with the most meaningless and worthless unreality. They never come close to getting real in their own lives, or making a difference in the world.
Higher purpose — and true success — completely transcends ego and selfish ambition. How many people lose sight of this truth in their lives? They learn to make money, focus entirely on themselves, and the more success they experience, the more they get lost in ego. Their lives not only do not truly serve others, they do not truly serve themselves — their true self, not their ego.
Think about what success means to you individually. Is it just a matter of money, worldly ambition, "winning" in the rat race? The typical person often measures their success by how much they profit, how much they make. All too often, the reward is merely compensation for selling out. It is compensation for having given up the dream in your heart, and, instead, just going along with everything and everyone, and doing what is expected of you. If you are doing that, you may notice that you still feel sort of unfulfilled inside you; you may feel a void that is simply not addressed or relieved in any real way by what you wind up doing in the world, in the name of "success."
Success is making a better choice. Finding, acknowledging, and accepting the highest good in you, you overcome whatever keeps you from living it. Simply do what you can do to serve the Highest Good in your self and others, and you will experience a success that relates to who you are inside, that you can relate to, that makes a difference.
5. Your Dream
Lots of people have a dream, or what they think is their dream. Many things are commonly labeled as "dreams" — but are not. A person may want a "dream house," a "dream car," a "dream date," a "dream spouse," a "dream job," and so on. These are things that people wish for, fantasize about, or desire. But they are not true dreams.
The dream in your heart is more about who you really are, rather than things you want. It is not materialistic, hedonistic, or capitalistic. A true dream is not financial. A true dream is not about what you can get, but about what you can give. If all you can think about is what you can get, or things that you want, then you haven't looked deeply enough within you to know what your true dreams are.
If you do not know who you are inside, more deeply, you will be run by the thoughts, feelings, and desires that flow through you. You will take them as real. You will imagine that is you. It is not. There is a difference between a desire and a dream. Desires are most often about getting something, and are usually ego-emotional in nature.
Desires drive us. Dreams lead us.
Assume that you have a dream in your heart, something that means a lot to you. Would you like to uncover it, unfold it, or pursue it?
Exercise Three: Take a few deeper breaths, and close your eyes. Imagine that you not only have gifts, but that you are a gift. Your presence, your actions, your creative work is of value to others. You have something to give, something to offer. Think about what it is. See yourself giving in some way, helping, providing, assisting, facilitation, creating, making a difference. See what you are doing, and with whom. Picture it in your mind — you are being appreciated for being your self, and doing what you would love to do. When you have a feel for this, gently open your eyes. Describe what you experienced (in 200 words or less).
Think about what you have to offer. It is your gift. It is who you are. It is more than you might have thought you could be. Realize, you have to allow this for your self, and accept this true quality of being, before you can give it to anyone else.
When you pursue a dream, others may be inspired or wish to participate. They may feel, on some level, that it is happening for you. They sense the flow, the creative energy, the reality of it. The space that you create for yourself — opening to what is true for you — allows others to do the same. It gives them "permission" to be themselves, to follow a dream, too.
Even better than thinking of what you have to offer as a gift, think of your self as the gift. How are you going to bestow that gift? To whom? What uplifting, creative, original, joyful, playful, positive difference can you make? Open yourself to feeling what that would be like. Open yourself to the dream in your own heart, and cherish it. It wouldn't be there if it weren't for you.
6. Releasing Limitations
One of the more powerful ways of releasing your self from limitations, especially limiting beliefs you have about yourself, is by finding, honoring, and expressing a greater truth. These are the things that are hard to believe about ourselves, because they are so good.
We think less of ourselves. And, so, as part of the process of freeing ourselves from that lesser image of ourselves and moving forward creatively, we can embrace these thoughts about ourselves.
Yes, we know it may be hard to believe these things, or they may seem so far from you, so unreal, or so untrue. But it will be good to allow yourself a chance to get comfortable with these ideas, to expand your "comfort zone" to include them. See which ones inspire you, or speak to who you are or what you need, within you.
- I am now releasing my self from the past.
- I release all negativity, and welcome my highest good.
- I forgive and release everyone in my life.
- I love myself as I am, for who I am, not as I may appear to be, not as others expect me to be.
- I am good enough as I am.
- I am aligned with my own highest purpose in living.
- I have all I need, to do everything I need to.
- I meet every situation with confidence and centeredness, grounded in my inner being.
- I know and respect my self.
- I am choosing my worth.
- I welcome change, growth, and the greater unfolding of my true abilities.
- I learn what I need to, and move on, freely.
- I go forward without regret, resentment, judgment, or blame.
- I move beyond any hindrance to my satisfying, creative, and fulfilling self-expression.
- I am choosing freedom.
- I am free now.
Whenever you are aware of any contrary thoughts, put-down thoughts, or limiting beliefs about yourself, pick one of these better thoughts, and affirm it. See the truth in it, or learn to see the truth in it. Notice any contrary thoughts, and release them.
This is a choice you make, to be more true to who you really are.
Fulfilling self-expression comes from thinking well of yourself, and pursuing what matters to you.
It is the unconscious thoughts and emotions and beliefs we carry with us, about our selves, which largely determine the quality of our lives. By being more aware of them, we can notice how they may not really be serving us, or in our best interests, and get past them. We can let go of the old and bring in the new, creatively, happily.
7. Conscience
Listen to your conscience, especially in moments of doubt. This means, do what you know in your heart to be right. If you don't feel good about it in your self, if you don't know that it is right for you, don't do it. When in doubt, do what is least selfish. That is, ultimately, in your own true interest.
Remember, there will always be the opportunity to choose something else, later. Be as true as you can to your self, now. Your conscience is the true voice of your self; it is a rather quiet and small voice, compared to the loud and willful voice of the ego. Be true to your self, not your ego.
Within the opportunity to choose, is the opportunity to learn to choose what is right, good, and true for you. This takes practice. Choose something higher, something truer to your self, at every opportunity. This is the way to gain greater self-confidence in choosing what is right for you.
Deal with the world-at-large from a place of centeredness in the self, a place of self-knowledge, self-reliance, self-direction, and ... selflessness. First, find your true self; then learn what it means to live for something more, something higher. A true sense of purpose, self-knowledge, and self-directedness can only be found within you.
As Plato said, long ago, "The life which is unexamined is not worth living." It is easy to go through life without ever questioning the most fundamental aspects of life. Society and the world-at-large provide ready-made programming, social conditioning, and indoctrination to make us products of the world and what others might want us to be. It takes greater effort and awareness to look within yourself, and find who you are and what is true to you.
Conscience is about going beyond your most immediate desires, stepping back and seeing what is actually right. Most people habitually give in to whatever satisfies their ego, emotions, or desires. And that means they do not listen to conscience. Conscience seems like some ancient mythology, or like the appendix, an appendage whose need has long past. But, conscience lives in the present moment, if only in a more dormant state. It is the quiet voice of what is right, good, and true, within you.
Exercise Four: This is an exercise in awareness. Allow yourself some time to be with the following questions. Sit with them, and be aware of the thoughts, feelings, and desires that come into your awareness.
Questions: Be aware of what it feels like to do something that just isn't right. What does it feel like in your body? How do you recognize that feeling which tells you something is or isn't right for you?
Conscience doesn't necessarily shout at you; it has a quieter voice. But if you habitually ignore it, you may no longer even be aware that it is there at all. It is. The way to "hear" what is right is to turn within, bypass ego and emotion and selfish desire, ignore the pressure to seek instant gratification, and calmly stay in your center. You will find that there is strength in conscience, and that giving in to what is not right is actually the far greater weakness. It just doesn't feel that way to the ego, which tends to get a lot of things backwards, and which wants what it wants when it wants it.
The bottom line is: there is nothing more creative or more progressive than simply doing what is right. Do what is right just because it is right. You don't need other reasons. And you don't need any other reward for doing what is right.
If you ever wonder what ethics, morality, and conscience really mean, put yourself in the other person's place, and look at it from their perspective — what would be the highest intentions, the highest good of all, rather than the lowest standard of behavior, or what you can get away with? First, do no harm. Do what honors and respects you and others. When in doubt, do the simplest, most honest, most positive thing you can. Imagine how you would want someone else to act towards you, or what you would want a child to learn and do, from your example. Imagine that what you do, and how you do it, matters. It does, to everyone.
8. Knowing What is of Value
Value is subjective. It is the worth of something as we see it, which may be entirely different for someone else. No matter how rigidly society assigns value to different things, we each must be the ultimate arbiter of what is of value to us.
Money is not the measure of what is truly of value. Value is fundamental to our lives: you generally hold on to what you feel is of value to you, and let go of what is not. Some people cannot part with garbage; they keep all kinds of stuff, including garbage, around their houses, until the house is largely filled with it. On some level, the things they cannot release have some value or meaning to them, or perhaps just some sense of familiarity. We do not necessarily only hold on to what serves us, and let go of what does not; often we do just the opposite — we do not open ourselves to something better, and we hold on to what no longer serves us. And so we may keep what is truly of value away from us, and choose something less. It is a choice we make.
Basically, you choose what you want in your life and what you don't, based upon the value you find in it. You make these choices in terms of not only physical objects, or relationships, but in the very thoughts, feelings, and desires you hold, within you. If you wonder why you still have certain thoughts, feelings, or wishes, it is because you find some value in them — even if they no longer serve you. We value what we are familiar or comfortable with, or used to.
In our society, we tend to value comfort above most things. Whatever makes us comfortable, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, we decide is good, and whatever makes us uncomfortable, we decide is not good for us. We reject, ignore, or refuse to give our attention to things we do not value, personally. Unfortunately, truth can make us uncomfortable; creative change can make us uncomfortable; growing and learning can make us uncomfortable; facing and resolving problems can make us uncomfortable; dealing with our feelings can make us uncomfortable; and so on. You get the point: good things which cause change can make us uncomfortable. But if we habitually remain in our "comfort zone" we may be rejecting good things which hold value for us.
Comfort is not the ultimate criteria of what is right, good, true, or progressive for you. More often, it caters to self limiting behavior, denial, addiction, and illusions. Nothing is as comforting as a really big illusion. And nothing has any less value. An illusion has no reality; hence it has no real value. But we tend to seek comfort in our illusions: if we do not have love, we settle for the comfort of chocolate; if we have low self-esteem, we glorify a sports team and imagine that we are a winner; if we have no sense of purpose or meaning in our life, we get "high" with alcohol or drugs, and imagine how great it all is. But illusions can not solve problems; they cannot replace reality. The truth is, beyond our hurt, beyond our problems and suffering and lack, reality remains the only thing of value. It serves us, heals us, helps us, and uplifts us to find what is most good, most of value to us, rather than getting stuck in denial, or the illusion of what is of value to us.
Ego, emotion, ambition, common programming, and social conditioning produce create illusions about what is of value and what is not. Every choice you make in life is determined or shaped by such perceptions of value. Realize, what is of value to the ego is very likely worthless to the true self.
Many things which are valued today are an illusion. Is something of value because it is old? Is something of greater value if it is older? Is something of value if other people can't have it? Is something of value if it serves your ego or if it serves your self? Do you think the real value of things will be the illusory value they may have had in the past? Nostalgia is merely the worthless withdrawal symptoms of social conditioning.
People act so as to satisfy their (however distorted) sense of what is of value. Their priorities (work, sports, entertainment, or whatever) reflect what they value. Until you can see, value, choose, and act on what is right, good, and true to you — rather than common programming — your actions lack purpose, meaning, or value. Be aware that as you gain purpose, or have true vision, your thoughts, feelings, and desires are very likely to break free from the mold; they may no longer be in conformity with many people's ideas. This is all right. In fact, this is almost a definition of creativity, insight, or true creative thought. You begin a process of breaking free from your past conditioning. It may not be entirely comfortable, but it leads to a place of much greater freedom, peace, joy, and real comfort.
9. Balance
Things change rapidly, and we are pulled in many different directions. In our society, people live very unbalanced lives. What gets lost in this is you. Balance means having a place to stand, within you, so that you can effectively manage everything outside you. The more strong your inner stance, the better able you are to deal with everything else.
For most people, balance is a precarious thing, or almost absent from their lives. They juggle many things, many interests, pressures, demands, goals, desires, work, and relationships. It doesn't take much more to thrown them off balance, to cause a negative reaction, upset, stress, or panic.
Instead of finding a true balance, people often use alcohol or drugs to make them less aware of their degree of imbalance, upset, stress, or loss of self. But, this doesn't fix them, or restore a true sense of self. Imbalance leads to more imbalance, more suffering, unless you correct the imbalance.
What is the point in having a million things happening in your life — or maybe just one overriding thing — in which you lose your self? If you lose your self, what do you imagine you are getting?
The things that pull us out of our center, which unbalance us, include all of the things that we "get into." We get into them, and get out of our center. And then it is hard to cope, let alone manage. Balance is ultimately a choice you make. Decide what matters to you. Decide how much of it you want in your life. And decide how much is enough, or too much.
Do you overdo? Do you overextend yourself? Do you "bite off more than you can chew"? Do you have too many things going at once? Do you balance time properly? Do you spend quality time on the things that are most important to you, or do you waste time on lesser things? Do you favor one aspect of your self over the rest — whether that might be the intellectual, the emotional, the will, or the physical?
Do you over-express? Do you think, speak, and perform action in balance? Or are you excessive in one area? Do you ever consider what is missing, rather than giving all your attention to what is there? What are you paying so much attention to, that some other part of your life is facing diminishing returns?
When will you be successful enough? When will you be happy enough? When will you have enough love?
Are you seeking those things outside yourself? Are you reaching for them outside of you, and missing finding them within you? If so, you are out of balance, and you haven't found a stable place to stand within you.
Balance is a choice you make. It is within your power to find a true balance, based upon who you really are, what you really need, and what you need to do. Often, it is excessively pursuing the things we like or want — rather than truly need — which causes us to lose balance, perspective, and the sense of meaning in what truly matters to us. Anything that you have an undue dependence upon, outside you, or which you need too much, also unbalances you. Don't label all such things as "good" because you get into them, and lose yourself in them. Find your self; it isn't in anything you do, anything you have, anything you get. It is in you. Find that balance point, and learn to choose and act from there. You will experience a much truer sense of success.
Maybe you are looking for yourself in the role you are playing, or perhaps you don't think there is any room to be yourself. Who you want to be in the world should not overshadow who you are in your self. You shouldn't lose sight of who you are, within you, even in the midst of playing various roles in the world.
You can accomplish this by learning to be centered in your self. That is how to learn to be your self, both inwardly and outwardly in the world, regardless of what happens outside your self.
10. Risking
Have you ever felt that there is a risk involved in simply being yourself? What if you are rejected, not approved of, or put down in some way? That can be more hurtful than the risk involved in doing something "dangerous." We compromise our selves, who we are, and who we hope we might be, by eliminating the risk of trying.
Basically, you need to "risk" being true to your self and your higher purposes in life. Otherwise, you run the risk of going through life "safely" avoiding anything that would call upon more of your true self; you may not have any challenges, any opportunities for growth, or any real purpose for living.
Did you ever have any big hopes and dreams? Did you want something more, something better for yourself? Did you listen to your heart, or did you listen to the voices of judgment, criticism, and defeat? What happened to your hopes and dreams?
All too often, we listen to the voice of defeat rather than the voice of inspiration or success. We fear defeat and so we defeat ourselves, first, before we can be defeated by the world-at-large. But, how does accepting defeat save us from anything, in reality?
There is a risk in having a purpose, a direction — from within you. What if your purpose, your direction, your sense of what you are here for, is somehow beyond your capability? What if you fail? There is a risk in happiness. What if you lose it?
Everyone has fears and anxieties. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. Unfortunately, most people give in to their fears and anxieties — they modify their choices, behavior, and goals to accommodate their fears and anxieties.
Once again, we often erroneously try to protect ourselves from failure by failing to try.
If you don't try, you can't fail — but, you can't succeed, either. And that is a very high cost to pay. Risking is about believing in your self, not taking careless risks, not testing your ego, not trying to prove something to someone else. You have nothing to prove to anyone, even yourself.
All you need to do is more fully appreciate who you are and what you are capable of. Take time to explore your abilities, your strengths, your true calling in life.
Risking is not about being unsafe — you are safe, and you stay safe. You just may not feel entirely safe when you move out of your comfort zone, familiar habit, conditioning, programming. Of course, risking has nothing whatsoever to do with going against conscience, or your sense of what is right, good, and true. It is not being bad or embracing wrong, as if that were "good."
There is no need to do anything dangerous or difficult to prove that you are willing to risk being you. Being your self is simple. It is not inherently dangerous or difficult or problematic. Trying to be something other than who you are can be much harder, and is a lot more problematic.
Exercise Five: Make a list of five things that would be risking, for you. What is "risky" for you may be very different from what is risky for another person. Consider your own situation. When you have at least five items on your list, remove any that involve a real danger. Keep going until you have a list of five things that feel risky to you, but which you can see value in. Next, put them in order from the most risky down to the least risky. And see how you could do the least risky item (without creating or allowing real danger).
Then see if you can do it. After you have done it, move on to the next item on the list, working your way up. If the least risky item still feels too risky for you, find one thing to do that has the least feeling of risking to you, and do that. Work your way up to things that matter more to you, which you feel somehow unable to do. Get past the internal resistance (do not go against conscience or what you know to be right).
There is probably some value in whatever you are good at, what uplifts you, what allows you to unfold more of your abilities, to experience greater fulfillment. There is also value in reaching beyond your well-known abilities and limitations. Why not risk that, why not risk being more, better, more fulfilled?
Dare to imagine more.
There is a greater risk in not being true to yourself, than in being true to yourself.
Realize, it is a choice you make. People who want different results are willing to make different choices, and do something different. Courage is about doing what you feel is right and good for you, even though you feel fear, worry, or anxiety. It isn't about being "fearless." Look at your situation objectively, see the real risks — and if the risks you are reacting to are unreal, if the fear has no basis in reality, if the worry is merely habit, then see past it.
Basically, what is right and good and true for you is always available to you. You have the ability to find it, know it, and live it, because it is already within you.
11. More
Lots of people have their minds made up about what they want, what they think is best for them. However, what they may fill their lives with, or use their energy for, is not necessarily the result of deep introspection, self-knowledge, creativity, purpose, or understanding. It is often a product of their past programming, habit, social conditioning, addictiveness, ambitions, lack of awareness or perspective, or conformity to the world.
Everyone wants more.
More success, or ...
More love.
More joy.
More peace.
More good.
More money.
More friends.
More sex.
More entertainment.
More education.
More family.
More vacations.
More business.
More customers or clients.
More respect.
More approval.
More recognition or acclaim.
More space.
More spiritual growth.
More impact or influence.
More authority.
More power.
More creativity.
More time.
More life.
More excitement or passion.
More contentment.
More toys.
More possessions.
More pleasure.
More play.
More ease.
More health.
More calm or quiet.
More experience.
More validation.
More support.
More.
What do you want more of in your life?
Why?
We often define ourselves by what we have, and the more we have the more we feel we "are." When we align with what is simply true to who we are, we have more of what truly matters. When we live from ego, or make decisions in accordance with ego, we have less of what truly matters.
We can never have enough things to satisfy the ego; the ego always wants more of those things that cannot satisfy us; the ego wants us to pursue every illusion of happiness, rather than just being happy and content. This pursuit of "more" is not the pursuit of happiness.
Understand the nature of what you pursue out of ego versus what is simply in the nature of your being, and you will save yourself a lifetime of chasing after things that cannot satisfy you or make you more whole or complete. People spend their time, their money — their lives — accumulating things that ultimately don't mean anything or have any ultimate value. Understand this well, and you will save a fortune and be able to live simply, contentedly, with peace and happiness.
Let go of the programming to get more, to have more, to do more. Let go of the endless chasing after illusions of happiness, let go of the ego and its endless desires, and you may find what you are looking for, here, now. And it doesn't cost you anything. It is within you already.
Don't be driven by external pressures and expectations — or have your future determined by forces from the past. Live each day, simply, with peace, love, wisdom, and goodness, and your future will largely take care of itself.
12. Three Parts of Success
The most important thing about success — just like problem solving — is you. The three elements of success are: you, your situation, and your experience of your situation. Success is subjective; you find or assign value, meaning, and purpose to what you do, and experience a given level of fulfillment, within you. There is no external measure of success, no matter what your society, peers, family, friends, or authority figures say. It is not about money, position, power, materialism, or anything else outside you. It is how you experience your situation.
Most people mistakenly pursue success the same way they "solve" problems: they try to change everything outside themselves, and nothing within themselves. They look at their situation and see how they can "improve" it, most often by getting more things, having more things be the way they like, getting approval or esteem from others, and so on. That has very little to do with success.
You could have everything you ever wanted, and be unhappy. You could be a billionaire and have very little self-esteem. Or you could be way down on the economic scale, and be very happy and successful, and have a great sense of self-worth. It is all about you. It has almost nothing to do with anything outside you.
To experience greater success, you choose to change. You change you, or you change your experience of your situation — your self-talk, your thoughts, your perception of your options, your interaction, your level of involvement, the actual choices you are making, what you choose to find value or meaning in, and your choice of how you react. Those things are within your control.
Why is one person happy with a hundred dollars while another cannot be happy with a hundred million? It is because of what they are telling themselves. The unhappy ones are judging their own worth as a function of how much money they have. And because this devalues their own self, the more money they have, the less self-worth they may feel, until they feel they can't get enough money to feel okay about themselves. And, yes, this happens all the time to the very rich.
It's not about the money or anything external, it's what you are telling yourself about it.
In a sense, we are all successful. If you don't understand how all of your choices have been successful — have managed to get you right where you are, here, now — you may not realize how to be successful in a different way. We all make successful choices at every moment of our lives, to do what we do. We do what we choose to do, and we don't do what we don't choose to do. Even if you feel as though you are being forced to do something which is not your choice, the fact that you give in to that pressure, is still your choice. You always have choice.
The first thing to change if you want greater success is your own thinking. You have to tell yourself the truth about how you are already successful; that even if you are doing things which are not in your own best interest, or which do not serve you, you are successfully doing so. The idea is to choose to be more successful at the things that do serve you — not your ego, not your desire to be approved of by others, not the expectations of others, not your accepted programming, but simply you. It is a choice you make.
Changing or controlling every situation or circumstance so that it suits you — or trying to — is only ego. Simply being who you are, with no concern for how everyone else thinks of you, is a greater success. As long as you are judging your success by artificial external measures, you will not have a real sense of self-satisfaction.
Success depends upon little more than true inner awareness, knowing what your purposes are — realizing deeply what needs to be done and why — and then choosing to do what you know to be right, good, and true for you. There are no external "measurements" or indicators of success, least of all the money, recognition, or approval of others. Success is experienced entirely within you.
Success requires a true sense of purpose and inner awareness. What is often called "success" — that is, performing well at something that has very little real meaning to you — is much more like failure. It is missing the essential first step of success: being aware within your self, being inner-directed, knowing the power of choice and free will, and pursuing your own true purposes. You cannot be "successful" at living someone else's life. You must truly be you.