Higher Learning
Lesson 3: Finding your own way
1. Awareness
2. The Consequences of Your Choices and Actions
3. What Are Goals and Intentions?
4. The Power of Intention
5. Clarify Your Goals
Exercise One
6. The Nature of Desire
7. Commitment
8. Overcome Doubts and Resistance
9. Make Good Decisions
10. Accept No Excuses
11. Get Your "Buts" Out of The Way
1. Awareness
The most fundamental thing that works for you is your own consciousness. Your consciousness is the basic awareness you have, by which you are able to be "present" and experience, here, now — and respond appropriately. The true basis of action, knowledge and understanding, arises from this consciousness.
Consciousness is like a light, illuminating everything you experience. The more aware you are, and the more clearly you discern what you see, the more progressive your choices will be. The less aware you are or the less self-directed you are, the less workable your choices will ultimately be. Behavior patterns structured around ego and emotion decrease connection with the true inner self, and feed blind ambition.
Anything that diminishes your awareness of reality, or feeds illusions, is ultimately very self-destructive. Many influences in society overshadow or reduce consciousness, producing instead an ego-emotional "high," feeding illusions and self-delusion. Whatever reduces, distorts, or blocks your awareness (such as past conditioning, programming, emotion, alcohol, drugs, etc.) defeats you.
Contrary to popular opinion, success is not a habit. A habit is performed without much consciousness. Acting out conditioning and programming, and being unaware, has no role in true success.
Instead of relying upon past impressions, conditioning, habit, and "hopes for the best," have the courage to question things, to look for different possibilities — not to just do what everyone else does. The idea is not to gain the world or the world's approval or acclaim — and lose your self in the process. Success is being true to yourself, always. Awareness and perspective can be expanded, to realize what your best choices in life truly are, in the present moment, here, now.
Many people live in the past; it determines their present. If your awareness is caught up in thoughts, feelings, or desires from the past, or reactions to things from the past, learn to center your self and bring your awareness back into the present moment. By expanding your awareness, within, you can bring more of the quality of consciousness into your outer activity and the choices you make. Awareness means perceiving deeply, having insight, or clear vision.
Consciousness is a simple, uncluttered awareness of reality. The very willingness to be more conscious of what you do, and what you are choosing, opens your awareness to better choices. Not being conscious of different aspects of your reality robs you of the power to change them.
People, places, situations, events, and other things in your life can overshadow you, oppress you, or render you less aware. The process of making your own self unaware is called denial. Learn to deal with things you have difficulty with, rather than ignoring them or denying them attention. Denial only makes you less able to manage or cope.
Awareness changes over time, daily, and throughout life. For many people, it declines. As a child they were more alert, playful, joyful, loving, creative, free, and happy. Or at least there were moments of that. Over time, they lost perspective; their vision narrowed; they lost sight of what matters most. You need not.
The less you rely upon old and unconscious patterns of choosing, or past habit, conditioning and programming, the more aware you will be in the present moment. Self-awareness — taking a good look at your self — is non-judgmental. It is simply seeing what is so. Then, you can choose from there, from a place of greater awareness.
There is really no such thing as being too aware. It is just a matter of learning how to deal with what you see in the right way. The more conscious you are, the more empowered you will be to make progressive changes. But you have to see them first.
Everything you do is a product of your own consciousness; everything in your life/work benefits from more consciousness on your part. Greater consciousness is like the difference between being unconscious or asleep, and being awake and alive. This is why you need to seek more clarity, alertness, and awareness of real possibilities in activity. Consciousness gives you true creative choice.
2. The Consequences of Your Choices and Actions
On the most fundamental level of your existence you have to be able to tell right from wrong, truth from falsehood, and good from evil. As Goethe said, "Nothing is more terrible than ignorance in action." Or, as Martin Luther King, Jr. said, in more recent times, "Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." Clearly, life demands discernment. You have to be able to find that place, within you, where you resonate with Truth. Otherwise, the life you live, no matter how you might imagine it is "working for you," is not.
It is all too easy for people to go about their lives, doing, doing, doing, and never question what they are doing or why. In other words, they could be good, little Nazis. The Nazis were very efficient in their evilness, in every wrong thought, desire, action or goal they had. This is what people do in their lives, everywhere, when they merely accept the social programming, conditioning, and indoctrination of their society. Of course, you assume you are right; you assume you are living a good life in a good and just society. Everyone else is doing the same; you all think the same; you are in agreement. It "works." It must be right. Well, no, not necessarily.
If you want to know what is really right, good, or true, you need to question everything. Some of the most common things in our society are the most destructive, including ego, emotion, abusive relationships, getting into debt, and all kinds of addictive behavior. The only thing that is right is true inner conscience. This means turning over every decision in your life to the Light and Truth within — not your programming or social indoctrination. For most people, that is 100% different from what they are already doing, or what they were taught to do.
How many people imagine that what their ego wants, whatever they desire, covet, or lust after is somehow right for them? None of that has anything whatsoever to do with what is right in reality. How many people imagine they are "right" when they feel anger? Anger is never right, good, true, or somehow ennobling. It only takes you lower, not higher.
Realize, some things in your life may not be working for you — or may be working against your higher good. Problems are situations in which things are different from what you already know, think, or believe. Therefore, something different is needed, if you want to find solutions that truly work for you. It's not just more of the same. That's only programming, conditioning, and indoctrination, none of which truly serve you, no matter how common, pervasive, or accepted they might be in your given society.
If you have never questioned things, if you have never taken the time to look deeply within your self for the Truth, you have, by default, given your power to something outside you. Throughout your life, your social conditioning is reinforced, and you keep losing more and more of your self. You are programmed and conditioned to give in to wrong, to think wrong, to choose wrong, to behave wrong. The world-at-large presents you with endless temptations, desires, false promises, and illusions.
The mind can be consumed by a single thought. During your life, you may find yourself being consumed or controlled by the thought of: sex, security, physical appearance, failure, the lyrics to some pop song, food, chocolate, alcoholic drink, drugs, money, success, whatever brings you pleasure, whatever caused you pain, approval, politics, sports, popular entertainment or idols, a certain car, a house, any other person, place, or thing. If you spend all your time and energy pursuing that one thing, you are still trapped — it isn't working for you, you are working for it. You become trapped in your thinking, your habitual choices, your habitual behavior. The same is true of emotion. You can be trapped your whole life in a single feeling, whether it is a feeling of fear, worry, guilt, anger, sadness, or otherwise. Maybe it is time to let go of that, and be free, to no longer tell yourself it is working for you.
Anyone with an addiction has learned how that behavior "works" for them. They are better at doing that than anything, over, and over, and over, and over. They can do it without even thinking. And, that is the whole point. Just about all of the things that people imagine are working for them, are coming from a place of unawareness, unthinkingness, habit, reactiveness, and mindlessness. Sure, it "works," but it is in reality only working to keep them trapped in that unthinking behavior, in unawareness, or in denial.
Think about it. How much of your time or energy is going toward the wrong things? It must be obvious, that it is not hard for a person, an institution, a society or a nation to create and live in their own fantasy world, a world of untruths, ignorance, oppression, exploitation, or illusion. And, they really know how to make that "work." They are very good at developing a system, including a belief system, for enforcing their wrong thinking. And, they never even come close to the Truth in their whole lives. People do that, today. People you know. It is the ego that is entirely resistant to correction, truth, reality, and a Higher Good. It creates the most narrow, selfish, world of illusions, in which it reigns supreme. Ego can create an entire false existence or life for you, with desires and ambitions that have no relation to who you really are. The wrong things can run your life.
Oscar Wilde said, "One's real life is often the life that one does not lead." People so very often look back on their lives, and see what they did, and realize it wasn't really them. It was their parent's persuasions, their peer's pressures, their society's programming, their conditioning, their unspoken agreements, their unthinkingness, their unawareness, their excuses, which led them along their path in life. It was all of those things that took them down a road that they would not have chosen if they ever took the time to find who they really were. What would life be like, if it was led by the real self, and if all choices came from the basic choice to align yourself with Truth, Love, and Light, continually, along the way. It would be a very different life, indeed, every step of the way.
3. What Are Goals and Intentions?
There is a difference between intentions, goals, and expectations.
Intention is a focusing of creative flow, for a given purpose. Goals are the objectives which you desire to achieve as a result of acting on your intentions. And, expectations are the positive or negative outlook you may have as to whether or not you will reach your goals in a satisfactory way.
Intention drives the creative force. Goals give it a direction. And expectations, ..., well, expectations don't do much of anything. So, the first thing we need to do, before we explore the creative use of intention and goals, is to deal with expectations. We need to understand what they are and are not, so that we do not have false expectations. Expecting something to be so, is not the same as doing something to make it so. Expectations are an ineffective way of hoping that something or someone will change or be the way you want them to be, just because you hope so.
In simple terms, expectations cannot produce the desired results. And the typical anxiety, emotion, or ego investment which accompanies expectations may do more to interfere with true success than to assist it. Expectation is not a generative part of the creative process. It is only an imagined outcome, or the imagined appreciation or experience of the outcome.
Expectations may be realistic or not, true or not, likely or not. No expectations are absolutely certain. There is always a probability involved in everything. Things can change or have a different outcome — that is what problem solving is about. The future is not certain; it is not entirely predictable; it is not fixed. And, it certainly does not always agree with our expectations. Things may change, or not.
Having expectations in regard to other persons is a form of attachment. You think you know how they will act, react, respond, or not. And, perhaps you have an investment in how they act. Clearly, another person's actions, intentions, motivations, concerns, needs, or moment-to-moment choices are not within your control. Nor should they be. The goal is not to control everything and everyone so as to satisfy your desires.
Many people try to arrange their life so that it is unchanging, unchallenging, or predictable. That is the only way they feel "sure" that their expectations will be met. But, it is a really uncreative, unprogressive way to live. Some people can't cope with disappointment, and choose to live a very predictable, routine, or sheltered life. Even then, when your expectations largely match what occurs in your life, this is not a truly free, creative, and open way to live. In many ways, it is the opposite of being true to your self.
Contrary to many popular authorities, goals are not a true source of meaning or purpose in life. It is all too easy for a person to accomplish goals, especially at work, and never question what it all means to them. Goals often involve expectations; they draw upon ego, emotion, desire, fantasy, and illusions — none of which prove to be ultimately of much value.
Goals are not the connection to our creative source; they are not the creative flow, the creative process, or the creative energy of change. They may be ways in which we give ourselves signposts along the way to where we want to go, but they are neither the path nor the vehicle to get there.
Many people set goals, and yet are not willing to do what it takes to reach them; they don't really have the intention of reaching them. The classic example is the common new year's resolution to lose weight. People merely hold up a goal as a kind of fantasy, but don't follow through; it is more like a daydream. A goal by itself does not accomplish anything. Intention is the harnessing of our thinking and our inner creative power, such that we are willing to act on it. Things begin to change with intention. But it really takes a combination of purpose, intention, goals, and creative action to bring about effective change.
4. The Power of Intention
Intention is powerful. It changes your actual brain chemistry, and creates a foundation for creative action. Intention is a lot like motivation — it must arise from within you. Contrary to popular opinion, your results do not always prove your intentions; your results demonstrate a combination of your intentions, your commitment, your creativity, and your ability to influence a given situation.
Intention is an activating force in changing your life or solving problems. It is the harnessing of thought, will, and purpose. When you experience inspiration and feel a motivation for change — wherever or however that creative energy flows to you, within you, or from you — intention is the means of focusing it or directing it in the right way. Intention is your stance; then you have to act on it.
There is a theory that all behavior has a positive intention. We do not accept that theory. It does little to help us deal with problems or people in the "real world." People have all sorts of intentions, good or bad. We need to discern the difference. We are not trying to label things as good or bad just for the sake of pronouncing judgment. But, if our intentions and subsequent actions can change our world, we need to realize what is right, good, and true for us, and what is not.
True intention is care giving; you have to care, and you have to give of your self. Think of a mother raising a child. In the best case, the mother has only the best intentions for her child, not marginal intentions, but the highest intentions. That doesn't mean she forces her own agenda and ambitions and choices upon her child, but rather has the highest intention for her child — to care for her child so that he or she can live in a simply loving, truthful way, and know true happiness. So, with this "high intention," it is not acceptable to her that her child cries to sleep, or grows up with little self-esteem, or does not have a good education. She has higher hopes. But, it is her intentions — and acting on them — which will make this a reality. She tells herself that it isn't enough that her child is lying in bed at bedtime; it matters to her that her child is well, at peace, settled, secure. She tells herself that it isn't enough that her child take on an identity provided by bullies or cliques at school; she teaches her child to have self-esteem, self-respect, and a truer sense of self-knowledge. She tells herself that it isn't enough that her child goes to school; she knows that most of what is most important to learn in life needs to come from the parents of a child. She accepts responsibility for that. And, she makes consistent choices in her life which make her intentions known, real, and successful.
You have to have "high intention" and follow up on it. That is the difference between just getting by, and being successful in dealing with life and all its problems. Now that we are no longer having our mother hold intentions for us, we need to see how well we have taken on that role for ourselves. Imagine that you are your own caregiver, that you are responsible for the life you live, that the choices and intentions you manifest are meant to take care of you. Are you demonstrating "high intention" in your life? Are you caring for yourself well enough? How are you dealing with problems? Are you facing them confidently, with a willingness to learn and grow, rather than merely changing outer circumstances to suit you or match your given expectations? Are you embracing change and growth?
Or, are your intentions minimal? Are the solutions you are seeking minimal? Are you only seeking a minimal amount of change, a minimal amount of commitment, a minimal amount of creativity? You are responsible for how you create things, one way or the other, whether you create out of minimal intentions, or whether you reach for a higher intention, a higher purpose, and more authentic self-expression. Use the power of intention to change things in the best way — have perspective, appreciate the benefits of your actions, set goals, and keep a positive outlook. There is a saying that actions speak louder than words; until you act, it is just a bunch of words running around in your mind.
5. Clarify Your Goals
The first thing to do, is to become more aware of what you want to experience as a result of reaching your goals. It's not about the goal — the goal is meaningless. It's what you intend to derive from the experience, that matters.
Different people can reach the same goal, and have an entirely different experience. Consider college graduation; for some people this is a rewarding experience, with a great sense of satisfaction, and a feeling of being prepared for the world. For others, there is little satisfaction; it was just what was expected of them, and what they learned doesn't seem to have prepared them for "real life."
Whenever you have a goal, look more deeply into what you hope to experience as a result of reaching it. And use that as a measure of whether you have expectations which you may or may not fulfill, whether you will value what you have when you have it, or whether or not reaching your goal will give you what you are really looking for.
Every action, done with purpose or intent, is done for a reason — to experience something within you. You need to ask yourself why you want to be, do, or have what you want. It is possible for a person to spend their entire life pursuing goals, and even reaching them, without any sense of satisfaction. A person may spend their whole life trying to prove to others (or a parent) that they aren't stupid, and keep going on that path for a long time, driven by something which cannot be satisfied.
If you want a certain make and model of car, ask yourself, "Why?" What do you want or hope to experience as a result? Do you think it will make you more popular, happy, successful? Are you wanting to have that so you can overcome feelings of lack of self-esteem or self-worth, insecurity, or a lack or true purpose and direction in your life? Do you think the car will give you direction?
Rather than spending the time and energy to get a certain "thing" that will possibly make you feel a certain way, realize what it is you really want to feel inside you — and get busy on that. No matter how many goals you set or reach outside you, you always have to come back to your self. Are you satisfied with you? Are you satisfied with who you know yourself to be? Do you have peace, love, joy, within you? Are you seeking those things from outside you — as the result of your actions — rather than learning how to come from that place, within you. If you think about this, you can save yourself a great deal of time, energy, and money, by not going looking for something outside you which you really need to find within you.
There is an inherent fallacy in setting goals for the sake of the goal — and achieving them. You may be no more happy, loved, or fulfilled within your self. And, your sense of who you are, and your worth, will depend more and more on things outside you. That does not really make a person more secure, but less secure. Realize, goals are not free; there is a cost associated with pursuing and reaching them, in terms of time and energy, as well as your mental, physical, spiritual, and financial resources. In the past, women used to commonly have the goal of being married and having children by the time they were twenty one; and consider themselves a failure if they did not. That was the common programming. Now, women see that this tends to bypass their own life or personal goals and dreams. They tend to be more happy and fulfilled when they have a chance to grow and express their creativity, wisdom, and vision in the world at large, rather than forsaking themselves.
So, be clear in what your goals are, what you want to be, do, and have in this life. Because if you get them, you may find that they are only a means for taking you away from what truly matters to you, within you, on a deeper level. Do not compromise or ignore your true self. Put in the time and energy to learn what you really want, before rushing off after it.
Exercise One: Think of how you want to feel, what you want to experience within you, as a result of reaching your goals, following your highest purpose, honoring your highest intention for yourself. Draw a picture of your self. What would you be like? Write down the qualities that you would experience within yourself.
The most workable, productive, and valuable goals are those which speak to who you are, what you really need, what honors who you really are, inside.
The least satisfactory goals are those that are entirely for the purpose of satisfying someone else's expectations of you; after that are those that you have just because "others" have those goals; after that are those that are an attempt to compensate for something that is missing, inside, by achieving something outside; the more outwardly directed or driven your goals, the less they will ultimately satisfy you — who you truly are inside.
Your goals tend to follow your belief system. It is your job to question them, to be sure that they are serving you. Be sure that you do not hold limiting expectations, and then merely match them in your goals, choices, and behavior.
6. The Nature of Desire
Most people seldom question their desires. They just want what they want, and then organize their thoughts, actions, and lives to satisfy those desires.
We see, we think, we feel, and we desire what we see. But, what is desire? Is it the most true kind of motivation? Should we simply satisfy any desire we may have? On some level, most of us know how to temper our desires. That doesn't mean suppressing them, but rather having some perspective on them, and using our power of choice to say Yes to this and No to that. In other words, we practice some degree of discernment.
You need to know that living life merely to satisfy your desires is ultimately not very fulfilling. Unfortunately, our modern society caters to every imaginable desire (because there is profit in it). It would not be unfair to say that the world you are living in creates the desires you have, and then sells you ways to satisfy them, endlessly. But you aren't here to just satisfy your desires. You are here to realize what is right, good, and true, and align yourself with that. And, if that seems really strange or foreign to you, this is your opportunity to journey into your authentic self, the meaning or purpose of your life, and the choices you are making.
Desires often take the form of wanting what others have, wanting to control others, wanting to prove your worth or superiority to others, wanting excitement, wanting pleasure, wanting materialistic toys, wanting anything that will take your mind off the fact that it is you who have a lack within you, which you cannot satisfy or fill with anything you desire outside you. People go through their entire lives satisfying their desires, and never find what they are really looking for. They don't have any idea what they are looking for. And they have no idea that everything they "get" is only taking from them, that everything they imagine is making them "more" is only making them less.
No one can tell you what to want. And, few people are willing to have their "deep desires" questioned or challenged. But, if you wish to learn how to truly solve problems you have to confront the truth: the fact is, your desires often do more to mislead you or divert you from the answer to your problems than to resolve them.
Desires are always followed by more desires. Have you ever noticed that? There is no closure, no finality, no solution, no arrival at a state of fulfillment. There is always another desire to be satisfied, a bigger one, a "better" one. And, this is all a lie. This is a lie you tell yourself and believe and become incredibly invested in. Why? Because you see just about everyone else doing exactly that. So, you think, what could be wrong with it? What could possibly be wrong with getting what you want?
The answer is, satisfying desires has never solved humanity's problems, collectively or individually. Desire caters to ego, illusion, and the most common self-deception. Desire removes you from the ground of your own being, and gives you a stick to fetch. Are you tired of playing that game? Are you tired of being controlled by things outside you, which take away your true self, your true dignity, your true self-worth, your deeper or more authentic self." Children who are raised by parents who give them everything they want are not benefited by that; they are truly "spoiled," and lose their sense of self, what really matters, what has meaning, and what is truly of value.
Giving them everything robs them of learning what to say Yes to and what to say No to — from a place other than ego, selfishness, and the desire to get or take what they want. A child in this position often loses their sense of what they have inside them to give, and has difficulty finding their purpose in life. Instead they become willful, egotistical, arrogant, insensitive to or uncaring of the needs of others, and focused on gratifying their own selfish desires. This causes endless problems, individually and as a society.
7. Commitment
Commitment means accepting responsibility for your choices — and being consistent in your choices. A commitment is the choice to honor a choice you have made; it's a choice to keep the larger perspective. It is trusting your self and your choices.
Basically, the only worthwhile commitments are those that are true to who you are, choices which you realize are right, good, and true for you. Any other "commitment" is merely an excuse for perpetuating what is wrong, bad, or false in your life.
If you don't make a commitment to your own choices and purposes in life, life holds little substance or meaning. Prior to making a clear, conscious, commitment, your choices can pull you in different directions, and render your actions ineffective. But, within you is the creative intelligence to organize your choices in life/work — such that they are all going in the same direction, in accordance with your purpose.
What is necessary is to make a commitment, and to rely upon your own choices, to empower yourself to proceed in life. Otherwise, you hold yourself back. When you make and keep commitments, you do what is true to you, what you know in your heart to be right; you express the willingness to align yourself with reality.
The result of making a true commitment is having more ability to choose what is right and good and true to you. Commitment does not diminish this ability, in any way. Rather, it increases your ability to do so.
Commitment frees you to move in the direction you have chosen — freely, effectively, wholeheartedly. Having commitment allows you to truly progress in life/work. Until you make a commitment to your choices, they simply remain intangible possibilities, or perhaps cancel each other out. As soon as you make a real commitment, and stick with it, all kinds of possibilities will begin to manifest in accordance with it, in ways you might not have expected.
Remember that your commitment is what will make your life choices manifest in the world — in reality — in ways that you could not anticipate or expect. Commitment is getting past self-doubt, worry, indecision, fear, or whatever tends to hold you back; it means learning to draw upon true inner resources.
If you have a difficult time with committing to something, anything, you may have a problem with being unable or unwilling to do what is really right. Often, the ego pulls you towards what satisfies it, contrary to what you need to be committed to, or what you know in your heart is right.
Do not "make" something "right" in your mind, merely to justify your goals, your agenda, or your illusions; that is not true commitment, but self-deception. Commitment is not arbitrary, just as choice is not arbitrary. Making a commitment to your choices does not make them right. Both choice and commitment require you to look deeply within your self, to choose what is right and good and true, to follow higher principle, to fulfill higher purposes.
Learn to get free from programmed loyalties, limiting past conditioning, and old habit patterns. Let that be your commitment to your self.
Many people have difficulty with commitment. Too often, we have contingencies in the back of our minds, excuses, reasons why we would be justified in abandoning a commitment — even before we make it. Those are "buts" that you need to get out of your way before you proceed. Otherwise, they will come up to bite you in the "but," later.
Once you do commit to something — make a true commitment — you are taking your vehicle out of neutral and moving into forward gear. Until then, it was an idea, spinning around in your head. Now, by your committed actions in the "real world," it is becoming a reality; it is moving forward. That is the value of commitment. It is not proving anything to anyone else; it is simply showing yourself who and what you are — more than what you think or believe. You must re-learn how to believe in your self.
8. Overcome Doubts and Resistance
Sometimes doubts are useful, in the sense that they allow you to question a certain aspect of your thoughts, feelings, or desires, and then perhaps choose something that is more true for you. In fact, you must not doubt when you are wrong, or you will not truly know when you are right. The more aware you are of what is right, the more surely you will doubt (or disbelieve) what is wrong.
But a habit of catering to doubts can be paralyzing, especially when you are conditioned to doubting your self. This will keep you stuck where you are, unable to see ahead, or unwilling to proceed. It is better to think of doubts as possible branches in your path, a chance to see which way to proceed — they must not become dead ends. Do not routinely, habitually, give in to self-limiting doubts. When doubts become a self-limiting pattern, they become a resistance to true success.
The greatest obstacle to experiencing yourself as a success is doubting your self, believing that you will not succeed. There are many external obstacles to success; doubts and resistance are an internalization of external difficulties. You begin to doubt yourself. You doubt whether you can do or accomplish what you feel is right, good, or true for you.
Believe in your own self. Believe in what you know to be right, good, and true. Believe in what supports your creative purpose and vision. Believe in goodness, truth, love, peace, and light. Believe in the dream in your heart. Other people have their own thoughts, feelings, desires, beliefs, programming, conditioning, and indoctrination. You should never feel obligated or responsible for taking their conditions upon yourself.
"To thine own self be true," always. And, always think for your self. That is your responsibility. The world may do everything it can to cause you to doubt what is right, good, and true, what you know in your heart to be so. It is your job to reject or overcome this kind of self-negation.
Do not judge your self where you are. Believe in your self. It doesn't matter if anyone (or no one) else does. Everything changes, including "truths" you may have once held. Whatever is right for you, is right in its own time and place. What is right at one time may not be at another time. Realize this, and don't doubt your self if what you think or know changes. It's okay not to know everything. Who does?
Doubts usually take the form: "I don't know what's right." Resistance takes the form: "I don't want to do what's right." Together, they give you the message — and feeling — "I can't." Be aware when you have such thoughts, that there is some underlying doubt or resistance that is trying to block your way, and deal with it. See what you need to do to go forward.
Some resistances come up in the form of negative, contrary, or doubting thoughts, feelings, or beliefs about your self. Be willing to let go of them. It takes energy to sustain internal resistance and doubt; if you do not feed them with more energy, but are willing to get past them, they will diminish in strength. If they get stronger, consider that they are merely coming to a head, becoming more visible for you to see. Be willing to hear the message, see a different perspective, or refocus your efforts.
If you feel or experience resistance, ask your self what you are resisting. What are you resisting seeing, knowing, thinking, feeling, or believing? What information, knowledge, or different perspective is trying to make its presence known to you?
Things are not always the way you might think they should be or want them to be. They are just the way they are. This means you may often need to let go of old, inappropriate thoughts, perceptions, ideas, feelings, beliefs, or desires. And see the truth of things more clearly.
9. Make Good Decisions
In decision making you work with the unknown, and become comfortable with that. You don't fear it and you don't try to only go with what you know; and you don't turn the unknown outside you into doubt within you. You literally work with the unknown, in a way that works for you, and make the best choices you can.
Decision making is similar to problem solving. The first thing you need to do is to open your mind to all the possibilities — beyond the most apparent or immediate ones. You need to expand your creative vision to encompass as many possibilities as possible. Only then, after you have done this, do you go about a process of choosing between them. As in problem solving, you do not merely take the most obvious thing in front of your eyes and figure out how to make it work. That is often the least workable and least creative (and usually least fulfilling) thing you could do.
This process of decision making which involves being open, being centered, and being true to your self applies in all areas of life, work, relationships, and so on. It is practicing being your self and making choices that you feel are right, good, and true for you. Of course, even then, there is no guarantee that your results will be exactly how you might expect — you simply cannot know the future or how everything is going to be. The future is only a set of probabilities; nothing is certain.
Decision making is about choosing what is right for you. That sounds simple, yet it may be difficult in practice, especially when your choices are largely dictated by your conditioned reactions to outside pressures and expectations. Choices must be aligned with what you know to be right, on a deeper level within your self.
Notice the difference between choosing what is true to your self, what is right, versus choosing only: what you like, what feeds your ego-pride, what justifies or rationalizes your position, what appeals to your intellect or satisfies your emotions, what you selfishly or willfully desire, or what denies the truth.
To make good decisions, you generally need to:
- get the information you need
- consider all your options
- consider whether it is not only better to go with a given option, but if it is better not to
- see past the misleading influences of your past conditioning and programming
- get past emotions and egotistical desires — step back — long enough to get a greater perspective
- rather than thinking about what you want, think about what is right
- come closer to the truth within you
- listen to your heart, the deeper intuitive self.
The "heart" is that place in you which draws upon your inner knowingness, your conscience, your intuition, your sense of what is right. It isn't relying upon emotion or ego, but your true inner self. Get a feeling for what it is like to choose what is right; notice what you feel around the area of your heart, in the middle of your chest. Find a truer place, beyond emotion, anxiety, stress, desire, willfulness, or superficial considerations — and allow yourself to know and do what is right. Breathe, relax, and feel. The discomfort we might notice in making a decision is not the pressure of doing what is right, it is the pressure of what is not.
We are not saying to abandon reason or rationality or critical thinking, in decision making or problem solving. We are not saying to go along with emotions. We are merely saying that each of us has a place within us which allows us to know what is right for us. Call it conscience, intuition, the heart, common sense, the voice of experience, or self-awareness. The more familiar you are with that place within you, the easier it will be to make decisions which you feel are right for you.
10. Accept No Excuses
Basically, there is no such thing as a valid excuse.
An excuse in never a valid reason "why."
Yes, we know it is possible to have or make an excuse — people do it all the time, to themselves and to others. But, what we are saying is that excuses do not really work for you. They do not solve problems. They only perpetuate them.
Ignoring the truth, willfully, is just plain ignorance. As we have seen, it is possible to come up with all kinds of excuses for accepting a problem, or making a bigger one for yourself. It is possible to find excuses for not going forward with a solution. And, it is possible to find excuses for doing the wrong things, and imagining that this is the solution to all of your problems. The problem is, it's easy to make an excuse — you just lie to yourself or someone else; it's harder to actually solve our problems.
Unfortunately, much human behavior is governed by lies and excuses. Excuses are the false reasons we give ourselves to justify "why." The biggest excuse for doing what is wrong, thinking it is right or that it is solving some sort of problem is: "because you can." Twelve-year-olds have sex, because they notice they have a functioning sexual apparatus, and gee, if it works, then you're supposed to use it, right? Scientists wanted to build a multi-billion dollar super-collider (particle accelerator) to make a small black hole, here on Earth, which might possibly have devoured the entire Earth, because, well, they thought it was a good idea. Scientists build atomic bombs, and explode them, even though they believe there is a risk they could ignite the Earth's atmosphere, burn it up, and kill everyone and everything on Earth, but they go ahead anyway, well, because they can, because they have an excuse. Teenagers, as soon as they can legally buy alcohol (and often long before that) become binge drinkers, and get drunk out of their minds, often and repeatedly. Why? Because they can. As if this is all some sort of celebration of "freedom" rather than a complete lack of conscience, and a means of divorcing ourselves from any sense of what is right, good, and true — in the highest sense. Powerful countries invade small countries, and go to war against them (whether it is "declared" or not). Why? Because they can. People can come up with excuses and rationalizations for anything, and they do.
Excuses only excuse wrong. Human beings are capable of telling ourselves lies, finding false justifications for our actions, and excusing all of the wrongdoing we do — individually and collectively. "We're young," "We didn't know," "We didn't have good intelligence," "We're scientists, it's our job," "We're Nazis, we were just following orders."
There is never any right reason for doing the wrong thing. And, it doesn't matter whether you believe it is right, when it is actually wrong. Believing something is right — and an ultimate solution — when it is not, is a terribly convenient way to excuse all of the worst behavior that humanity is capable of doing. So, whatever "solution" you consider, always consider whether it is right. Nothing is more creative or progressive or good than what is simply right. You know where to look, within you. Do it, and you'll know. You owe it to your self. Because excuses inevitably do you and everyone else more harm than good.
If you have a true desire to learn what it really means to solve problems, it is this: do not accept any excuses; do not excuse what is wrong. When you see a false reason "why," challenge it, reject it, and refuse to go along with it. That is freedom. That is power. That is conscience. That is listening to the place within you that knows what is right, good, and true — and what is not. The whole point of problem solving is to learn (or relearn) to find that place in you, to listen to it, and to practice doing what you know to be right, good, and true. Why? Well, just because it is right, good, and true. And, that's not an excuse. It's the only valid reason for doing anything.
Often, confronting and rejecting an excuse or a lie forms the largest part of a true solution. And, if you want to know how to go about this, it's simple. Tell the truth, to yourself and others. Not to attack them, but to simply act in a way that rejects the lie. Sometimes, you don't even have to say anything at all. Your actions speak louder than words. You simply no longer agree to go along with what does not truly serve you. There is great power is this. Rosa Parks chose, just once, to not get up and give her seat on the bus to a white person, just because their skin was white. And she launched the civil rights movement and changed our world. It is the little things you choose to go along with — or not — which shape your world, and which make a difference. Don't underestimate the power of this choice; even the littlest things can make an enormous difference.
Remember, taking the simplest step to confront an excuse may be the most effective step in solving a problem. Don't overlook this in your problem solving or planning, when you list all of those other things to do.
11. Get Your "Buts" Out of The Way
In school — and on television — you "learn" that problems are supposed to be solved within an hour or so. But life isn't that way. With increasingly short attention spans, and endless advertising offering quick solutions to every problem in life, people are programmed to expect or demand immediate solutions. They give up if they do not see a quick and easy solution to a problem.
Problem solving — and "real life" — is a learning process. No one knows it all in advance. You find out things and learn as you go. You have to put in the time and effort. You have to think for your self, and come up with your own answers.
If you have a problem, and you can think of a solution, and you feel it is right, good, and true for you, you cannot ask for more before you plan to go forward and take your steps. There is no such thing as a "guarantee" that everything will go the way you hope. Accept that, and don't take it is a sign of "failure" if things go differently — take it as an invitation to be more creative, intuitive, and aware.
Our intuitive self has a lot to offer when it comes to dealing with the unknown, and expecting the unexpected. We can often feel things better than we can reason them out — we know what we know, on a deeper level within us.
The more you practice getting in touch with, trusting, and relying upon your deeper inner knowing — call it wisdom, the voice of experience, common sense, intuition, insight, or whatever — the more you come to know how it works for you. It helps you to deal with the unknown. And, in problem solving and planning, there are always unknowns and the unexpected. The more practiced you are at problem solving and decision making, and the more confident you are in your own abilities, the more reliable will be your results. And the more flexible and creative you will be in improvising when you need to. You'll just know that you need to do something different.
There are many things that we need to be aware of in developing or implementing a solution, especially anything that may get in the way. We need to plan in advance for them, or get them out of the way.
The first things to get out of the way are your own "buts." Perhaps you preferred not to look at or consider some reservations, doubts, or other concerns. When you are ready to take steps out there in the "real world," you have to address those concerns and deal with them.
The main "but" to get out of the way is fear. Fear keeps us from taking our ideas and acting on them. Fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of disapproval, fear of challenging the status quo, fear of being judged, fear of risking change, fear of accepting responsibility, ... even fear of success. Because things will change when your plans are successful. And that may be frightening, or cause anxiety. People abandon their plans in midstream for all of these "reasons" which are really no reason at all. They are emotional reactions. Fear is an emotion, a feeling; feel it, acknowledge it, and then move on.
If you have a real concern about something — other than simply fear — address that concern in a reasonable and rational way. Do something different to have better results. Take positive steps, even if they are small steps. No one says you have to take big steps; big steps are less workable then smaller ones. So, break up whatever you need to do into small steps — manageable steps. And if all you can do is take the one small step that you can see in front of you, realize that that is enough. That is how we walk, one step at a time. And yet we can walk a mile by doing this, one small step at a time.
Other "buts" are: but I don't have the time, but I don't have the opportunity, but I don't have enough help, but I don't know everything , but I've never done this before, but I've tried before and it hasn't worked, but I don't have a lot of confidence, but what will people think, but it's hard. Well, no one said it would be easy. It may be easy to conceive of ideas — that happens in the abstract, in the mind — but doing something out in the world is problematic. Implementing a solution is often more of a problem than conceiving of the solution. Don't let that discourage you or dishearten you. Have courage. Take heart. Be creative. Look around, arrange things so that you have what you need.
Just keep going forward. If you don't give up you will get there. In the "real world," perseverance is often a lot more valuable than having an idea, because what is the value of having a good idea if you give up on it? If you don't believe in yourself, your ideas, your goals, your hopes and dreams, and the path you chart to get there, who else will? So, believe in yourself and your ideas, at least enough to go forward, and if you need to make mid-course corrections, welcome them, and be thankful that you are gaining understanding and experience as you proceed.